


the phantom under the fire escape

by a_little_hope (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Phantom of the Opera Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, First Order gang, I Don't Even Know, I REPEAT LOOSELY, Kylo is the Phantom, Rey is Christine, SORT OF THIS IS VERY LOOSELY BASED ON THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, coruscant theatre, opera - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9175642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/a_little_hope
Summary: She the songbird,He the monster...





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> AGAIN VERY LOOSELY BASED ON THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA BECAUSE I AM EMO AS FUCK

  
  


There is something to be said of the beauty of a songbird, even in dark and eroded depths of the wretched city. And there is something very different to be said about the monster that lurks on the darkness, listening to her song. The monster doesn’t go out much-- perhaps for the judgment that the mask on his face lends. Or for the worse judgment that comes when someone sees what is under the mask. He walks the streets at night, listening to the sounds of the city, it’s groaning and rather musical form.  

He usually takes the same route, but at some point he grows tired of routine, and differs from the path, going down a lowly street by the name of Jakku Street. Near Eighth and the West village. It is a place-- he decides, that no one should ever live. Not even a monster. Most of the lights are out, except for the lights in a studio that should’ve closed down three hours ago. There is a winding fire escape that snakes up the building for several stories and passes the studio, and out on the fire escape a small slip of a girl. 

Once he hears her voice, he quiets his mind and focuses. She seemed to not notice his existence, and he melted further into the shadow to truly listen to her voice. It starts out a small thing, and he realizes that she hums a small tune, her mind off in the distance. The tune ends and there’s a small moment of silence before she begins again, this time with a song that he remembers well. It is a classic, if not a bit childish, (she sings a song from Beauty and The Beast ‘Something There’ if the monster remembers it correctly, some times things got blurred, his injuries were the main causation of this)  but it seems that she is not intent on singing this for some sort of job, this is just her being spaced out and he listens for a minute. Indulging himself in her voice. 

Something brings her out of the moment, someone yells, “REY KENOBI, YOU ARE DISTURBING THE WHOLE BUILDING, DON’T MAKE ME KICK YOU OUT!” and he sees her wince from the fire escape and then climb back into her studio apartment, closing the window behind her. Leaving the monster to mull over the potential that her voice had. The magic the songbird possessed. 

For a second he is reminiscent of the days when he did not have to hide himself, the times in which he was not a monster, and rather a stubborn actor trying to make his way throughout the world of the stage. He was rather successful too, considering his mother owned a theatre and was excellent at P.R. But that second was quickly gone, and he swept the streets again, unable to sleep. His phone buzzes and he opens a text. 

<<Mother: 

 

Have you slept or do I need to buy you some melatonin?>>

<<Ben Solo:

 

It won’t help.>>

<<Mother: 

 

You’re on the streets right now. I told you not to do that.>>

 

<<Ben Solo: 

 

You can’t really blame me. It gets stuffy cooped up all the time. I needed the air.>>

 

<<Mother:

 

Why you always insist on only going out at night is the thing that generally concerns me, you could get mugged. I am just trying to help you. Where are you?>>

 

Ben rolls his eyes and keeps walking ahead a couple of streets before texting her. 

 

<<Ben Solo: 

 

I’m near Coruscant theatre. You still there?>>

<<Mother: 

 

Okay. Good. Yes I am.>>

 

His mother does not text him after that and he makes his way into the theatre without anyone else seeing him going in. She was in the costume department, going over inventory with some girl with black hair. When she heard him moving in the background, she said, “Thank you Jessika, that is enough for today. Go home.” The girl left with no glance in the monster’s direction. No glance in his direction. She knew he was there. They all did. They never looked. “Do you need a ride home?” 

“No, I can walk.” His fingers tapped the side of his leg as he thought of the events of what had happened earlier in the night. He needs to be busy, and then he is reminded of the girl when he sees the silvery dresses his mother is combing through. “You still need a lead for ‘The Magic Flute’, isn’t that right?” 

“Yes,” Kylo Ren’s casting choices had always seemed questionable at first, but had always worked out in the opera. So his mother would listen to him. 

“Rey Kenobi,” had been her name, he remembered it well. His mother wrote the name down. 

“Are you making sure you’re actually giving me the name of an actress this time?” Ren nodded and was about to leave when he said, “I looked up her agent. Give him a call and give her a chance. She was clearly a small time actress.”

“And how should I tell her that I found out about her for the role-” 

“Make the agent sound like he did everything.” He melted into the shadows and left, leaving his mother with a heavy heart once more. That was the monster could do these days. He couldn’t break the habit. 

When he’d gotten home, he softly hummed, taking his mask off and turning the mirror from his bedside table around, grabbing the hem of the soft sheets that his mother had bought him and pulling them back. 

His mind was still on the girl. 

The little songbird. 

This allowed him to sleep, without nightmare, for once.


	2. Chapter 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The songbird's rise.

 

Rey had woken up to the news that she would be trying out for the role of Pamina in The Magic Flute, one day, and that had been the segue to the beginning of a busy career and her first meeting with Leia Organa. It had gone by in four four time, and now she sat on her fire escape once again after the afterparty for the last night. She hadn’t drunk, because the wet streets of Jakku were never a safe place to be anything but sober in.

Fondly-- she recalled that Leia Organa had told her that she was full of potential, after the first time she heard her sing. The times they had spent together practicing, in those practices, she felt like someone else had been watching her as she performed, both in practice and on stage. Every once and a while even hearing the occasional quiet hum in the alleyway outside of Coruscant theatre, but she had always dismissed it. Instead focusing on her new friend, Finn, who had introduced himself by saying very matter of factly, “You are going to get the role, I can feel it, you look like you have pipes.”

“And who are you-?”

“Finn Trooper, and you?”

“Rey Kenobi,” She replied. He was awkward, but cute. She smiled when he kissed her hand and winked.

“Break a leg Kenobi,”

She had these fond memories and she sang again, this time a number from a musical her grandfather used to sing, this one had been ‘Untitled’ . He had come up with bits and pieces of songs that he sung to Rey, but never anything solid. The papers had said it was old and because his mind was slipping, he couldn’t write like he used to. So his name, his legacy slipped into obscurity, and she was left there behind the veil.

But somehow someone had noticed for love for both musical and opera, and given her a challenge. She never knew who it was. She was sure it wasn’t her agent, because while Poe Dameron was good, he couldn’t get her into the spotlight that easily.

* * *

 

The songbird sang once, more. An alluring song at that. Kylo Ren couldn’t help but be allured. This tune was unfamiliar to him but heavenly all the same. Her voice unrivalled by the sounds of the city. It was as if she was perfect for both opera and musical, and the challenge she had taken on, she proved victorious. Critics said that her voice was something unique and versatile, a pleasant thing to hear in either the opera theatre or the musical theatre.

Thus began the rise of the songbird, Rey. She had had a busy four months, and which he had not even bothered to go to her fire escape and listen to her. Her song seemed most sincere when she was free, and her mind was left to roam the stars like the adventurous youth she was. Ren couldn’t help himself from watching her sing up to the stars when he noticed that she was singing to someone. A relative perhaps.

Something about with this was too inexplicably wholesome, and he couldn’t help himself from smiling. Ren didn’t remember humming along to her tune, but when she stopped his head jerked up, just to make sure there was nothing wrong. The girl stared down below her. “Hello?” she looks down into the darkness, trying to locate the voice, but it is clear that she doesn't see him.

She doesn't see him and that makes things all the more easy. The girl resumes singing, and this time Ren is careful not to lose control of himself again. He listens until the man that is presumably her landlord yells at her and she is forced to go in.

<<Mother:

I came over to cook you some lasagna. >>

<<Ben Solo:

I'm out again.>>

<<Mother:

 

You really need sleeping pills.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

This conversation again?>>

 

He sighs and makes his way down to his apartment, every once and awhile stepping into a random alley to avoid passerbys.

<<Mother:

 

Can't blame me for worrying.>>

 

That was true.

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

Thank you for the lasagna, now good  night.>>

<<Mother:

 

<3 >>

  
He rolls his eyes and shuts off his phone when he gets up the elevator and to the door of the penthouse. Sure enough, there is lasagna waiting for him and he almost smiles, glad that he wouldn't have to worry about dinner.

(A thing he shouldn't be eating at twelve o’clock, yet he often lost track of time.)

Tiredly, he set it down, taking off his mask again and resuming his routine. 

* * *

“Enough caffeine to kill an elephant,” Finn found Rey outside a coffee shop near the West Village, a flower in her hair. “You sure you should be drinking that much, peanut?” his brow furrowed in concern when he saw her order her third espresso in a row. 

“I have character analysis due in about a day and a half and I'm just getting started,”

“Due or did you just decide to write a dissertation?” her fingers flew at the keyboard on her laptop and she laughed nervously.  “Both?”

Rey nodded.  “Both,” 

“You are insane,”

“Insanely busy, yes.” Finn frowns.  

“Oh you poor over worked peanut, whatever will you do?” she raised an eyebrow and kept typing. 

“Go insane.” she replied. “Start hearing voices, the whole shebang.”

“Have you heard voices?”

“Tons,” her sarcasm was right on time whilst still being  truthful. She  _ had  _ heard a voice outside her window, and she was certain someone was singing with her. The worst part was it didn't creep her out when no one answered. 

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. Maybe she was going  insane. It didn't really matter right now, she needed to finish the characterization of Rosina for Carmen and then get on with things.

* * *

She's there again, despite all that happened the night before.

Her voice is a dream and so is she. If only he had the courage… “I know you're out there.” His blood runs cold when she realizes she may be talking to him. But then soon realizes she still can't see him. “It's awfully cold and wet down there.” Ren doesn't move.  

“Well as long as you don't come up here and try to kill me it's fine, it's good to have someone to sing with.” With that he smiles, and the songbird sings again.


	3. chapter 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we met, and it was my delight.

**< <**Finn:

 

Hey peanut. You coming to workshop today?>>

 

It had been twenty minutes ago since he sent her that text and she only just woke up, her throat sore and her head pounding. Sometimes getting drunk was inevitable, especially when sleep doesn’t come.

 

<<Rey:

 

Sorry, peanut. Got a cold. Also have to work on Carmen, but mostly don’t want to subject you to my shit. >>

 

<<Finn:

 

Oh no! I’ll tell Ms. Organa. After practice I’ll bring you some soup.>>

 

She smiled at this and texted him back a simple smiley face before slamming her phone back on the night stand, rain started pattering against the window and she closed her eyes. This weather always made hangovers easier for her, and she got up, moving to the couch.

 

<<Finn:

 

Until then drink water, get well. Practice will suck today without you.>>

 

He is sweet. Still she feels something that cannot be sated as she moved throughout her apartment, she felt music flowing through her head that could not be quieted by the kindness of Finn, something is still missing and she hears it in the song of the city and the night, in the eyes that watched her on the street.

She had a feeling that someone was there with her, too shy to make their appearance. So she sat on the fire escape and sang, hoping one day they would introduce themselves. Today she did not bother to strain her voice, though. She kept silent as she moved through the apartment. Pouring herself a glass of water and settling down by the window with a book in hand.

Rey had soon lost track of the time and the sky had darkened. The rain had stopped.

* * *

 

It had been raining, the songbird wasn’t out on her usual perch. Kylo stared up at the her window near the fire escape to see her inside, curled up with a book. Fully enjoying whatever content it had inside. He smiled as she turned the page and left her to her reading.

Her past busyness warranted this award. He left her.

 

<<Mother:

 

Your apartment’s a fucking mess. If you don’t get here soon I’m going to clean up everything and I don’t care if some piece of yours gets lost.>>

 

He hurries home to find his mother on the couch, not even really worrying about the mess around her. He takes off his jacket and sighs. “What do you want?”

“I never got the chance to fully thank you for introducing me to Rey Kenobi,” Leia said tiredly. “And I’m sure she would like to thank you herself, if she knew you were the reason her career was kickstarted in the first place,”

“Why are you here?” He asks again, now straightening some of his notebooks and putting books back on his bookshelf.

“Because I’m concerned, you need human contact.” He shakes his head.

“I have a headache, I want to be alone.” Ren used this excuse often, slamming his door behind him and locking the door. She would leave eventually, her absolve not as strong as it used to be. The room was dark and stark, void of much decoration. Lonely. Like he was.

“I’m bringing Gary over tomorrow, I will be busy for the next three days and will need you to watch him.”

“I don’t want to watch the dog, Mom.”

“You’re going to watch the fucking dog, I’ll go now and leave you alone. But the dog is coming over tomorrow at five, be here.” He doesn’t reject this time. She leaves him alone and the hours pass.

* * *

 

<<Finn:

 

I’m right outside, peanut. I may have bought you more soup than I originally planned. Is it okay if I stay and finish it off with you?>>

 

<<Rey:

 

You’re always welcome.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Warning, my landlord, Unkar... >>

 

<<Finn:

 

Colossal dick?>>

 

<<Finn:

 

I’ll be quiet.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Good. That would be best.>>

 

She takes a large chug of water and empties a bottle, throwing it in the general direction of the can, Rey hisses a curse word under her breath and pauses when she hears a soft rap at the door. There was a pause and Rey picked up the bottle, throwing it into the trash before opening the door.

“Hey, Finn.” She whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” He’s holding three separate tupperware containers of soup in his hands and Rey wants to hug him, dinner taken care of for at least four days. “Walls are thinner than paper,” She said.

“Remind me why you live in such a piece of shit apartment?”

“Because I’m an actress,”

“Ah yes, the plight of the struggling artiste,” She rolled her eyes and watched him set out things for the soup.

“Do you have a microwave?”

“That’s all I have.”

“No stove, or oven?” She points behind him and he finds the microwave. “Oh. Thanks,” He put the first container in the small red microwave and pressed the ‘thirty second’ button. “You seemed to get rid of that cold fast,” He raises an eyebrow and goes over to her fridge, the bottle of vodka practically the only thing in there. “Peanut, you know you’re supposed to stay sober.”

“I was tired, got my day of rest didn’t I? That was the main goal, anyway… tell me what things you have in the way of soup.”

“Turkey, tortilla, and good ole’ chicken soup.”

“Give me all of them, I have a feeling that I’m not going to have the time to eat much tomorrow.”

“What is it tomorrow?”

“Carmen Practices, Ensemble for Sweeney Todd, and then I have a performance for Oliver this night.” Finn’s eyes widened and he almost forgot about the soup in the stove. “The plastic will melt in there and you’ll have to pay for the damages to my apartment.” This gets his attention and he gets the first tupperware container out of the cabinet. She grabs a plastic spoon from a box on her counter and didn’t even bother putting it in a bowl.

“Wow, peanut. I may not have to help you with this stuff after all.” She rolls her eyes as he takes out the second tupperware container. “You got chicken right?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Tortilla,” She grabbed his bowl and slid the chicken soup towards him. “Thought you would like that more.” He smiled and they ate almost in silence. Devoid of the occasional praise of the soup. “So, I was going to practice with you once or twice before I left but I assume that your landlord wouldn’t approve of that.” She was beginning to feel tired. Tying her hair back into a bun.

“That’s fine, we can warm up, but after that I want to go to bed.” Rey yawned and Finn frowned.

“Haven’t been sleeping well?”

“No, but enough talk about me. Let’s practice. My digital keyboard should be enough for right now.”

* * *

 

It is three weeks before Kylo hears the songbird sing again, but this time it is not from the fire escape, it is not from her usual perch. This time she is performing Rosina, in the opera ‘Carmen’. She gives a great performance, and he watches from box five. The one least visible to anyone else. Her able to adapt to the role and genre of music had improved, and refined itself.

The songbird practically steals the show, and roses are thrown to the cast at the end of the performance.

* * *

 

The afterparty for the closing of Carmen is two days later, and as a habit, Kylo goes. He watches the outside of the bar, seeing his mother interact with cast members. He sees that Rey is rather capable of holding her liquor, and she is quite keen on drinking for this one day. It makes him feel like laughing. And then something turns sour. She is with another man-- and once he feels a strike of jealousy he looks away-- it seems the next moment he is gone, and so is some of the original cast.

Rey stays behind and it is then when she sees the second man. The ginger. Ren recognizes him, but does not make any moves. The man makes an advance and Rey ignores him, another man makes an advance.  This produces anger in him more than anything. She slaps the second man and makes her way out of the bar.

* * *

 

Someone is following her, and this time the intent is benevolent. Rey crosses the street at least twice and realizes soon that she is lost, trying to escape the man she’d slapped in the bar. Alcohol is ruling her senses and she doesn’t remember if she left her phone at home or in her purse but she doesn’t want to spend the time to look. Her anxiety makes a mark that she has passed the same street at least four times.

She panics, tripping. Then Rey looks behind herself to see the man that had said his last name was something weird, she couldn’t remember what anymore. But he was big, probably bigger than in reality due to the alcohol. Cursing, the girl got back to her feet and looked for a store that might’ve been open. There was nothing. He gets closer. Closer and she doesn’t know how to get away from him. “Fuck,” She hissed.

On a normal night, when she was sober, fighting back would’ve been on her mind. But she _really wanted to get drunk again._ It was playing on her fear, eating it up in the very second. One second she almost swears she feels the breath of her attacker on her neck.

It is not-- however, a breath. It is the whoosh of air as someone moves passed her. Her attacker is on the ground, out cold.

Rey screams, a little bit out of relief, and a little bit out of fear. The figure says, “I will not hurt you,” and she calms down. “Saw you across the street and thought you may need help.” The figure does not show his face, and keeps himself near the dark.

“That’s very courteous of you.” She pursed her lips together, trying to process things through the liquor. Breathing hard. “Why conceal yourself then? You may have just saved my life,”

* * *

 

The girl is drunk, he can tell. He can smell the liquor on her. This doesn’t stop her curiosity or her ability to string questions together. “You should get home, call a friend if you must, or a cab. I will stay here until you get a ride home.” She searched through her purse for a second and sighed.

“I’m so stupid,” She says. “I left my phone at home,” It just so happens that he forgot his phone as well. He sighs, knowing that whatever was about to happen was about to be… _untasteful._ “Come on, let me at least say the face of my _savior_ before I walk the dangerous streets of New York alone.” The sarcasm in her voice brings a small smile to his face, and he reluctantly shows himself in the lamplight. She furrows an eyebrow.

“May I ask why the mask? Or am I drunk and hallucinating things?”

“A question for another time. But as for the drunk part-- it seems evident.” He says. She winces and then teeters a little bit. Kylo takes this cue to grab her, and right her. He keeps her near the street so no one will see him, and it will even be harder for to as well, but he makes sure to keep a hold of her so she doesn’t stumble or trip. That would be a lot easier if she wasn’t wearing heels.

Still, he hoped that he was not hurting her. Rey laughs and says, “Go this way,” He knows the way to her apartment. “So I asked about your mask, and you said later, considering I might never seen you again, later would mean now?” Her fingers are so bold as to go for his mask, and before a wave of anger can hit him, he remembered the state in which her mind is, and merely grabs them. “Turn that way,” The city buzzed, but it seemed everybody was out of sight.

“I guess it would,” He said after another moment of silence. “A fight would be putting it kindly,”

“A fight?” The songbird seems to be more interested, more curious, after he tells her this. “You were on the losing side.”

He is silent. There are near her apartment. The urge to be near her must be cut off soon, to say goodbye. Ren already contacted her. This was too much. He didn’t answer this or counter it. Merely waiting for her to find another conversation starter in her mind, or be silent. “I’m Rey.” She says. “And you?”

“Kylo Ren,”

“Ah an alias,” She smirked. “I may be drunk but I’m not stupid,” Finally, they were on her wretched Jakku Street. “But it’s okay, if you don’t want to tell me your true name. That’s cool. I’ve kept worse company.” Now in front of the large, crumbling, apartment complex, that was clearly in violation of several health code regulations. “See you later, Ren.” Their fingers linger for the slightest of moments, and she lets go.

He doesn’t take the luxury of looking back on her, he walks back into the night.

* * *

 

Rey’s head pulsed, the morning gloom showing through the window. Everything seemed to be a blur from the last night, but she remembered one thing clearly.

 

Kylo Ren.


	4. chapter 03

 

Kylo hadn't given his music a voice in a long time. That night after feeding the dog, he had picked up a piece, one never finished, and began to play. The sky was a perfect- moonless, yet a few stars shone, even above the city's lights and pollution. He played a song that had never been given a voice, a finale, into now.

 

* * *

Rey had stayed to her apartment for the most of the day, relishing the day of freedom that she possessed. A day of silence, yet something had overcome her, as she thought of the man had almost seemed like a ghost, a phantom, walking down the streets of New York at night. The beginning of a song played in her head.

The girl hummed it and moved throughout the apartment-- grabbing a blanket from her room and sitting on the couch.

 

<<Finn:

 

Peanut, you free??>>

 

<<Rey:

 

I have a very important schedule that consists of me sleeping for at least two days.>>

 

She laughed when he replied with a single sad face emoji and threw her phone on the couch beside her. Her mind stuck on the man who had saved her on the street the night before and the debate of if he was real or a figment of her drunk imagination. She longed for night time for the first time in a while.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thank you for taking care of the dog,”

“What was I supposed to do, let him starve?” Leia smiled and hugged her son, listening to him groan and laughing before she took the dog’s leash and began to head for the door. Something caught her eye. New music sheets on the piano. Something made her head towards the piano, “I don’t want that heathen near the piano.”

“The heathen’s name is Gary,” Leia retorted. “Have you been composing again?” It was evident she was trying to keep herself from sounding excited as she stared at the new sheets of music spread out on the top of the piano.

“Don't be so excited,” Her acting never fooled him. He snatched up the sheets and secured them in a binder, “I just finished something this time, that's all.”

“You met her last night, didn't you?” He rolled his eyes and directed her towards the door.

“I am busy, please take the heathen away and go hang out with some of your thespian colleagues…” Leia raised an eyebrow as he pushed her out the door.

“You totally met her,”

“Bye!” Kylo slammed the door so loud that his bookshelves shook. He usually could keep his anticipation for the night in the back of his mind-- this time he yearned for it, like an excited child.

 

* * *

 

This time she did not sing first, this time it was him, from under the fire escape. She did not bother to look down, for he would approach her again in his own time. She heard his tune, she heard his song, so strange and so sweet.

It reminded her of a song in her head. Only this was more refined and gentle.

* * *

 

The songbird listened to him for once, and he couldn't help but smile up at such beauty. By the time he was almost done, she was humming along, her body pressed against the bars of the fire escape. When he was done, she stared down into the black abyss he hid himself in, and said, “Thank you for last night.” he was silent. “Angel of Music,” she smiled. Kylo wanted to correct her. An angel came from the heavens, not the dark. “Or I could just call you Kylo.”

“Or pretend I was not here at all,” It is too close. She knows he is there and Kylo can begin to feel himself wanting her, _he could not have the songbird._ “That would be preferable,”

“Not to me,” she says. They are both silent for a moment as he looks up at her. “You can show yourself, I am not that intimidating.” She truly does not see-- does she? Beauty is the most intimidating, genius coming in a close second.

“You should sleep, it's late.”

“Yet, the both of us are awake. It seems this city keeps us both up. Aren't you cold down there?”

He doesn't answer, (the thing about being alone is that a lot of the times, you forget the answers to most things, forget answers about yourself…) He leaves out of pure shyness this time, cursing himself for it.

* * *

 

 

<<Poe:

 

New roles and now you're getting requests, we need to meet. Talk things over.>>

<<Leia:

 

Lunch with Finn and I today?>>

 

<<Finn:

 

Hey, peanut. Lunch? Please don't say no. You have to eat.>>

 

<<Poe:

 

Preferably this week.>>

 

Rey goes to Poe first.

 

<<Rey:

 

This is my only off week so I am politely going to ask you to fuck off.>>

 

<<Poe:

 

You know the only reason I let you talk to me like that is because we're friends.>>

<<Rey:

 

;) >>

 

Next Leia.

 

<<Rey:

 

Sure. What time?>>

 

<<Leia:

 

12:00 work?>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Sounds good, what is the occasion?>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Just downtime.>>

 

Now Finn.

 

<<Rey:

 

@12>>

 

<<Finn:

 

How are you?>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Good, just tired.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Strange dreams.>>

 

<<Finn:

 

Nightmares?>>

 

<<Finn:

 

Have you tried Chamomile tea, peanut?>>

 

She doesn't answer this time, getting dressed and ready, lunch was two hours away. As she looks out the window, she is reminded of the sweet song that Kylo Ren had sang from the depths of the alley. (In a normal day, this may have unsettled Rey… but his voice comforted her.) “ _Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation_ _  
_ _Darkness stirs and wakes imagination_ _  
_ _Silently the senses abandon their defenses_ _  
_ _Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor_ _  
_ _Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender_  
Turn your face away from the garish light of day, Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light, And listen to the music of the night…”

Rey sang the words softly as she picked through clothes that were stuck to the floor of her bedroom floor. _“Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams_ _  
_ _Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before, Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, And you'll live as you've never lived before, Softly, deftly, music shall caress you_ _  
_ _Hear it, feel it secretly posses you_  
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind, In this darkness that you know you cannot find,  The darkness of the music of the night…” He had been so delightfully shy that it tugged at her curiosity, perhaps she was being naive, to not be afraid of him. To be more curious than anything.

The night was always her favorite, and now she grew impatient waiting for it.

* * *

 

He sat in his room, trying to process everything. He doesn’t want to leave his room, yet he wants to see her again.

The songbird that belonged to no one.

She is not frightened of him and he can't help but feel entranced by her. There is only one answer then.

* * *

 

Rey eats her salad rather quick and lets Leia and Finn do most of the talking. It's only now that she noticed Leia eyeing her. “You're acting strange,”

“Sorry,” She replied, “Just out of it.”

“Peanut hasn't worked in a whole of two days, she must be so lost.”

“You shut up.” 

Leia laughs at their little banter and then asks, “Has anything interesting happened in the last day you have been free?”

“Huh?” Immediately Rey is on the defensive. “No, nothing. Nothing at all. Just slept.”

“-And not very well apparently,” Finn interjects. 

“That's none of her business,” Rey hissed. 

“You sound like you haven't gotten much sleep,” Leia looks as if she's remembering something. “I used to fix jasmine tea for my son.” she says. “Before he passed, he had nightmares all the time, it seemed to work.” The table is silent.

Finn changed the topic and they ate, when the two of them began to walk back to Rey's apartment she asked him, “Leia had a son?”

“Yeah,” Finn said. “I thought you knew this.”

“Oh, I'm sorry… I've only known her for a few months and  _ neither of you  _ mentioned anything about her having a son.” 

“Well what do you want me to say? I don't know why you're mad?”

“I'm not mad, just cranky.”

“I can see, listen, I have to go.”

“We aren't even near-”

“Sorry,”

“It's fine. Bye.”

* * *

 

The night comes quick and he sets out, ready to listen to her, possibly even talk to her if he can work up the courage. But when he gets there she is not in the fire escape this time. She is next to the alleyway with two styrofoam  cups of hot chocolate in her hands. “It's cold as balls out here,” Rey is bold as she steps forward, extending out her hand. He grabs a cup with something of a smile on his face, or perhaps it's a bit of a smirk. “I wasn't gonna let you risk getting a cold. If you insist on staying outside, you at least need something to keep you warm.”

“Why are you out here?” it is purely curiosity, purely wonder, a childish need perhaps. She shrugs and sips her hot chocolate. 

“I wanted to get to know you, if you're going to creep outside my window and save me from a stalker and potential rapist, then I think it's only fair that I get to know you.” She puts out her hand assertively and for a minute he doesn't take it. The cold and harsh wind blows hard against them and hair was starting to loosen in the bottom of the three buns she wore. She is not daunted. She stands there and waits for him to gingerly accept her gloved hand. They intertwine as the two of them set off the path of Jakku Street and close to the park.

He secretly never had a taste of hot chocolate. This was pleasant. She seemed to be in a trance, humming a song, his song. Something in him is shocked beyond words, another part of him wants her to sing it for all eternity. He looks down at the ground, occasionally chancing a glance at her, watching her stare up at the sky. 

“Sorry, I am not much of a conversation starter.”

The songbird is shaken from her trance as she sipped at her hot chocolate. “That's okay,” she says. “I'm not much of one either, if I was going to be honest.” 

“You could fool me,” 

“I act,”

“I've heard,” she raises an eyebrow and he realizes this might have sounded weird. “I've seen your name on Playbills outside the theatre, I live nearby.” They pass into the park and Rey finished off the hot chocolate.  

“Oh? I haven't seen you. Must not get out much though.”

“Not at all,” It's so cold both of their breaths frost. Still, they move into the park and walk among tall oak trees. “Do you like acting?”

“Yes, and music too. I adore music. I always have.” she paused and pressed her head close to his arm, he tensed. Not used to so much contact. Rey stares at him, every part of him, not caring so much about the mask and more of the potential of something unspoken between them. “Speaking of music,” flakes of snow begin to fall very slowly. At first it is almost unnoticeable, “That song you sang to me, it was beautiful.” She smiles when the flakes hit her face and she gasps like a child. “Do you compose?”

“Yes,” he watched as she becomes mesmerized by the snow. 

“Sorry,” It's falling quickly. “Something good always happens to me when it snows. Hearing that song was something good,” She squeezed his hand and smiled as they began to walk back. “Meeting you was good. I'd like to do it again.”

“That's a first,” Kylo doesn't know any other way to respond. She manages to astonish him again. He looks away and takes a breath in. Dropping his hot chocolate in the trash absent mindedly. 

“What's a first?”

“Someone wanting to meet me again,”

“Please come back around,” His heart almost can't handle it. 

“Maybe,” 

“Please,”

“Goodnight, song bird.”


	5. chapter 04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sing for me, my angel of music!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHAHA, I love writing this so much. So here's some information-- The First Order theatre will come in later and we'll see some conflict there. As well as from Finn and Kylo but I intend to keep the main story between Kylo and Rey because those are the characters I can write the strongest.

The next time they would see each other was longer than either of them anticipated, Kylo Ren woke up the next day exhausted, and for the most part had stayed to his bed. Notes forming in his head that he could not yet bring himself to write. The apartment was dark and his bedroom cold, so he pulled the covers over himself and stayed in the dark for a longer time that he’d intended to stay.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long it had taken for him to get out, or how long it had taken him to remember the simple things. To eat. There were things that he couldn’t shake, things from his past that occasionally began to well up and consume his thoughts… how all of this began…

Several days had gone by the time he checked his missed calls and texts.

All of them from his mother, sixty eight of them.

 

<<Mother:

 

Pick up your goddamn phone.>>

 

He didn’t bother reading the rest of them.

 

<<Ben Solo::

 

Tired.>>

 

<<Ben Solo::

 

Sorry.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

Please don’t come over.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Eat.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Shower. Go see Rey. You won’t regret it.>>

 

What has she said to the girl? Kylo didn’t text anything back, just started to clean up his apartment, feeling the need to do something productive. It was still bright outside, and he had hours to go before he could see her. Might as well try and act normal until then.

* * *

 

 

Rey had never been able to get his song out of her head, it haunted her as she tried to bury herself in her work. The month had gone by in a blur, she would wait outside at the doorstep of her apartment complex each night for at least twenty minutes, and he would never appear. Then she got up, went to work, and repeated the process for the longest time. Finn had been worrying about her, Rey could tell. He and Poe had forced her to go to a few social outings, and those went by fast.

That hadn’t seemed to be the end of Finn and Poe’s plights though. At night, Finn would come over and try to distract her of things. Sometimes it would work, he would bring her chocolate or more soup, and they would sit together and talk, grow closer. That was supposed to happen.

Still she waited for the day that she could hear his music again. Where she could sing and feel something again. The star in the sky that she’d decided was her grandfather shone bright tonight, and Rey smiled.

Maybe tonight was the night. She grabbed a cup of coffee on her way out and put her earbuds in, sitting in the same place she always had. Tonight could be the night. “Rey!” Some guy with red hair was running to see her. The guy who had approached her in the bar almost a month and a half ago. She froze. “Sorry,” He said.

“And who are you?” He stiffened at her hostility.

“Armitage Hux, co-owner of the First Order theatre, we never finished talking the other night.”

“How did you know I’d be here?” He didn’t answer that and something unsettled Rey.

“You should consider performing for us, it would be great to-”

“I already denied your formal invitation now go away or I’ll punch you in the nose.” She said. “Now goodbye,” After a little more convincing, he went away and she sipped her coffee, waiting.

* * *

 

 

    The night was still young, and Rey looked like she was about to throw a ceramic mug at his head. He had brought a song with him for once. “A month,” He flinched at the tone of her voice. “When I said come back I meant tomorrow or possibly the day after,”

    She could sense him, even in the darkness. “I don’t have an excuse,” Kylo neared her and watched as she got up, grumbling. “But you have to believe me when I say, I didn’t mean to stay away this long…” Rey’s eyes softened.

    “I can’t get your music out of my head,”

“I'll take that as a compliment,”

“And you left me without it,”

There it was. “If there's a way I could make it up to you, I'm all yours.”

“What's that in your hands?” He handed it to her gently.

She opened the binder tenderly and stared at the music sheets in front of her. “You've been composing,” The only reason Kylo had written was because the desire to hear her sing again had overcome all the urges he had to lay down and not get back up again. “It looks beautiful,”

He stared down at her, watching her scan each line with eagerness that only a wondrous child could have. “I could play it for you if you like, when the theatre is empty…”

“Please,”

“If you sing for me, only if you sing.”

The next time they would see each other was longer than either of them anticipated, Kylo Ren woke up the next day exhausted, and for the most part had stayed to his bed. Notes forming in his head that he could not yet bring himself to write. The apartment was dark and his bedroom cold, so he pulled the covers over himself and stayed in the dark for a longer time that he’d intended to stay.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long it had taken for him to get out, or how long it had taken him to remember the simple things. To eat. There were things that he couldn’t shake, things from his past that occasionally began to well up and consume his thoughts… how all of this began…

Several days had gone by the time he checked his missed calls and texts.

All of them from his mother, sixty eight of them.

 

<<Mother:

 

Pick up your goddamn phone.>>

 

He didn’t bother reading the rest of them.

 

<<Ben Solo::

 

Tired.>>

 

<<Ben Solo::

 

Sorry.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

Please don’t come over.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Eat.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Shower. Go see Rey. You won’t regret it.>>

 

What has she said to the girl? Kylo didn’t text anything back, just started to clean up his apartment, feeling the need to do something productive. It was still bright outside, and he had hours to go before he could see her. Might as well try and act normal until then.

* * *

 

 

Rey had never been able to get his song out of her head, it haunted her as she tried to bury herself in her work. The month had gone by in a blur, she would wait outside at the doorstep of her apartment complex each night for at least twenty minutes, and he would never appear. Then she got up, went to work, and repeated the process for the longest time. Finn had been worrying about her, Rey could tell. He and Poe had forced her to go to a few social outings, and those went by fast.

That hadn’t seemed to be the end of Finn and Poe’s plights though. At night, Finn would come over and try to distract her of things. Sometimes it would work, he would bring her chocolate or more soup, and they would sit together and talk, grow closer. That was supposed to happen.

Still she waited for the day that she could hear his music again. Where she could sing and feel something again. The star in the sky that she’d decided was her grandfather shone bright tonight, and Rey smiled.

Maybe tonight was the night. She grabbed a cup of coffee on her way out and put her earbuds in, sitting in the same place she always had. Tonight could be the night. “Rey!” Some guy with red hair was running to see her. The guy who had approached her in the bar almost a month and a half ago. She froze. “Sorry,” He said.

“And who are you?” He stiffened at her hostility.

“Armitage Hux, co-owner of the First Order theatre, we never finished talking the other night.”

“How did you know I’d be here?” He didn’t answer that and something unsettled Rey.

“You should consider performing for us, it would be great to-”

“I already denied your formal invitation now go away or I’ll punch you in the nose.” She said. “Now goodbye,” After a little more convincing, he went away and she sipped her coffee, waiting.

* * *

 

 

    The night was still young, and Rey looked like she was about to throw a ceramic mug at his head. He had brought a song with him for once. “A month,” He flinched at the tone of her voice. “When I said come back I meant tomorrow or possibly the day after,”

    She could sense him, even in the darkness. “I don’t have an excuse,” Kylo neared her and watched as she got up, grumbling. “But you have to believe me when I say, I didn’t mean to stay away this long…” Rey’s eyes softened.

    “I can’t get your music out of my head,”

“I'll take that as a compliment,”

“And you left me without it,”

There it was. “If there's a way I could make it up to you, I'm all yours.”

“What's that in your hands?” He handed it to her gently. She opened the binder tenderly and stared at the music sheets in front of her. “You've been composing,” The only reason Kylo had written was because the desire to hear her sing again had overcome all the urges he had to lay down and not get back up again. “It looks beautiful,”

He stared down at her, watching her scan each line with eagerness that only a wondrous child could have. “I could play it for you if you like, when the theatre is empty…”

“Please,”

“If you sing for me, only if you sing.”

“Of course,” The two of them stared at each other for a long, lingering moment and Kylo grabbed her hand, for once not feeling shy. She looked as if she couldn't help but follow, the binder of music close to her chest. He sang softly to her. The two of them seemed to fall away from the world as they walked. “ _Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before…”_ Both of them sang and walked the streets alone, walking so far and yet not seeming to pay attention to the distance. “ _Only then can you belong to me…”_ her eyes traveled up to meet his as he finished his song near the pond. “ _You alone can make my song take flight, help me make the music of the night.”_ They sat in silence for the longest time, Rey watching the moonlight dance across the lake, and Kylo watched her. “I have a weird question,”

“What is it?”

“Do you hear the notes in your head… before you even have a real grasp of what the song is going to sound like… I don't really know how to word it.”

“Yes,”

“I get that, some times… I have to get back soon. You see, my lock hasn't been working properly for a long time and I just… need to make sure that all my shit is still in place.” She said this, yet made no move to get up. Her eyes began to close and soon he found her asleep on the bench.

She looked so peaceful…

With one sweeping movement, he picked her up and began heading back to her apartment. Moving carefully through the darkest parts of town. 

He was going to have a not-so-civil conversation of the landlord of this apartment complex. Kylo took no time to look around and set the binder she had been clutching so tightly on her coffee table. “Goodnight, songbird.”

* * *

 

Rey woke up on her couch and the only thing that told her she hadn't just had a dream was the binder of music on the coffee table.

 

<<Finn:

 

You okay?>>

 

<<Finn:

 

I want to take you out. For cupcakes.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Cupcakes sound good. When?>>

 

<<Rey:

  
Sorry about earlier by the way. I feel better now.>>

<<Finn:

Its cool, peanut. I just worry about you a lot.>>

She smiles and looks down at the binder, _The Angel of Music_ she would go over tonight.  _The Phantom_ tomorrow. 

Her heart swells at the prospect of hearing his music again as she gets ready.


	6. chapter 05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My power over you... grows stronger yet..."

The next week went by fast, and Rey found herself at theatre long after the dress rehearsal of Il Muto had taken place. (Her dreams had limited themselves to the ones of him. Dreams of his music. Nightmares of what might await for them at the end of life.) She felt a small tremor of nervousness shoot through her stomach as she thought of some the notes in the song that he had written-- some of the notes she may not be able to reach. The humiliation that might occur... She heard him first, waiting in the dark parts of the dressing room. “You were great in rehearsal,” He said. “It would be better if you were the Countess, if I’m to be honest.”

“I can’t hit all the notes, so I resolved to be on the ensemble.”

“Can’t hit all the notes?” He comes out of the darkness and she turned around, grabbing his hand assertively. “We shall see.” Their fingers intertwine and he leads her up to the stage and he let go, started the track. The song takes over, and they start to become entranced. She’s in the middle of the stage when it begins. The wave of excitement overcomes all her senses and the lyrics come to her.  

* * *

 

She’s beautiful, talented, a genius… all those and so much more. It’s as if everything is right in the world when she sings his songs, and he can feel himself feeling accepted for once. Feeling as if he was human. “ _My power over you grows stronger yet,_ ” Her expression intensifies as she stared at him, straight into his eyes. Those eyes could burn. Could kill. “ _And though you turn from me to glance behind… the phantom of the opera is there, inside your mind._ ”

“ _Those who have seen your voice, draw back in fear, I am the mask you wear-”_ She turns to him, and it’s like she had just made a realization, and the strange duet they sing grows more entrancing. The world falls away.

“ _It’s me they hear, your spirit and your voice in one command,”_

 _“My spirit and my voice in one command, the Phantom is there inside my mind…_ ” Her lips almost quiver when he sang. He can’t decide if it’s acting or if she really means it. Still he can’t help himself from marvelling at her artistry. At his triumph. _The songbird has progressed so well._

“ _In all your fantasies, you always knew that man and mystery-”_

 _“Were both in you.”_ She tries to grab his mask. It’s ever so subtle but she does. He grabs her wrist gently, but with enough emphasis to make a point. And here is the point where the notes came.

“ _Sing, my angel of music_.”

* * *

 

 

The notes she hits are one she had never been able to hold so long no matter how hard she tried. “ _Sing,_ ” He orders her. She does. She does and she can feel something in her opening as she does, some new confidence that she had never felt before. It was beautiful. “ _Sing,_ ” Higher she goes. Higher and higher and she feels something take flight until she hits a note that she had thought was impossible. And then the song is over.

* * *

 

 

The both of them are disoriented to say the least-- Rey seemed to be disoriented at the sound of her own voice, out of breath, and unfocused. Maybe even a little scared. “I knew you could hit the note,” He said.

“You got it out of me,” she says. “Thank you,” Her mind is still trying to process it, and he wants to be as close to her as he was just a few seconds ago, feeling the softness of her skin against his hands. She trusted him, something that he would call foolish, she shouldn’t trust him. But for once his music served him some good. They’d been connected. He trusted her more than the world the first time he had heard her sing. “The song was so beautiful,”

“You alone can make my song take flight,” Kylo responds, swallowing hard as she nears him. “It’s your talent, I just lead you along a little. That’s all.”

“Don’t try to minimize your achievement.” She smiled. “We need to go now, I need to get home. And you probably need to get home to your place… wherever that is.” That is when he reminded of what he is and where they are.

“Yes, of course. Of course. I can walk you home if you’d like.”

“Are you tired? Because if you are I can just catch the bus.”

“The bus is for heathens. Not an angel like you.” He said.

“What-?” She giggled. “Someone really doesn’t like public transportation now does he?” He shrugged as they walked out of the back of the theatre and began down the street.

“I don’t like the public in general, people and I don’t really get along. Started off on a bad foot.” He sniffed. She laughed and squeezed his hand.

“I really don’t like the public either, a bunch of _scofflaws._ ” Her sarcasm delights him and enticed him, Kylo could see why she was an actress, the charm she had was undeniable. The thought of what just happened makes him remember sourly-- _it is my music, not me. I cannot have her. I cannot be drawn in._ And with that he becomes silent, watching the city lights as they walk the streets together.

“Scofflaws, I’ll have to use that.”

“Its a good word,” Rey admits.

“Any other catch phrases,”

“My grandfather used to say, ‘ _how uncivilized’_.” That one he likes. He can’t help but laugh a little bit. They near Jakku street and Rey slows down so the two of them could keep talking. “How about you?”

“My relatives just bitch and complain most of the time, no _catchphrases_ to make up for it.”

“Ah, them’s the breaks.” Wind blows against the both of them and Rey shivers.

“Cold?”

“Yeah…” He takes off his black trenchcoat and wraps it around her and her eyes widen. “You didn’t have to do that. Now you’ll be cold.”

“The apartment’s a short distance from here. It’s fine.” She’s practically swimming in his trenchcoat but at the least she’s warm. They stand in front of that wretched apartment building for a second and she takes off his trenchcoat again and handed it to him. “I promise I won’t take a month to come around this time,”

“I don’t expect you to come every day, but I appreciate your company. Oh- shit… you know what- do you have a phone?”

“Did you forget your phone?” She grabs it without reply and begins to type something into his phone.

“That’s my number. Call. Text. I really don’t care which exactly you do.” Rey is the one who leaves him in silence this time and he smiles.

“I will.”

* * *

 

 

<<Leia:

 

I heard you as I was passing the theatre. Your talents progressed.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

You were there, weren’t you.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

My lips are sealed.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

Haha… very funny…>>

 

<<Leia:

 

If you don’t mind me saying, I think she likes you.>>

 

<<Leia:

 

But that might freak you out>>

 

<<Leia:

Knowing you…>>

 

<<Leia:

 

Loser… ;)>>

  


<<Ben Solo:

 

It’s not going to happen, Mom. Stop trying.>>

 

He rolls his eyes and awaits a reply from his mother.

 

<<Leia:

 

I wasn’t trying. I think that ‘it’ happening is out of both of control. It’s up to your ‘Angel of Music’.>>

 

Sometimes his mother makes him want to throw his phone off the top of the Empire State Building.

 

<<Leia:

 

You sure know how to woo a girl. ;)>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

STOP NOW PLEASE!>>

 

She doesn’t text him after that and he’s left with an idiotic grin on his face as he sits down on the couch. He thinks he’s happy. Happiness-- something he only thinks he had in infantry…

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Hey. It’s me. Kylo. Just wanted to make sure you wrote the number down right.>>

 

There was a painful minute where he anticipated her response.

 

<<Rey:

 

I made sure I wrote it down just right. How are you?>>

  


<<Kylo Ren:

 

I’m actually okay for once. Let’s see how long it lasts.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Great. I got to go to bed.>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Sleep gently, songbird.>>

 

The smile his wiped from his face when he sees the next text.

  


<<J.P.

  


I know it’s been a long time but I know you don’t like Phasma’s voice or her understudy so I may have… done something very bad.>>

 

<<J.P.

 

I should’ve talked to you about it. I’m sorry. Really I am.>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

What did you do, Jessika?>>

 

<<J.P.

 

Let’s just say neither of them will be singing at tomorrow’s performance of Il Muto tomorrow.>>

  


Something of a mix of anxiety and satisfaction swells up in chest.

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

Thank you, now block this number and forget me. I don’t want to talk to you again.>>

 

<<J.P.

 

I’m really sorry.>.

  
He blocked her number and this time, he did throw his phone this time. What to do now? Wait. Go to the opera tomorrow. That’s all he would do, he wouldn’t say anything and hopefully nothing bad would happen. Hopefully Rey would still trust him, she would still desire his music…

* * *

 

Rey wakes up to the call that both the woman who was in the role of Phasma and the woman who was to be her understudy, Gwendoline, are bound to their homes with a bad case of food poisoning and she has eight hours to begin preparing for the role of the Countess and all the sudden a small chill runs down her spine. Flashing back to the night before when Kylo Ren had said, “ _ It would be better if you had played the role of Countess. _ ” And of the notes he’d enabled her to hit. 

She shakes it off though, more worried about the task at hand. She’d easily memorized the Countess’ lines because that was the role she had been vying for. The performance will go on fine. Rey can hit the notes now. “It’ll be fine,” Rey tells herself. “It’ll be fine.” 

 

<<Rey:

 

Turns out I’m going to play Countess after all… is there anything you have to say about that?>>

 

<<Kylo Ren: 

 

Trust me.>>

  
She does. She really does. Although now, she’s a little bit frightened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jessika is taking the role of Meg Giry... she's not going to be on as much as Meg was in the play but hey...
> 
> Also, my favorite Phantom was Ramin Karimloo and my favorite Christine is Sierra Boggess, into the trash bin I go.........................


	7. chapter 06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared. 0-100 rl quick.

The opera goes great and he is in the back, getting bolder, a single rose in his hand. He doesn’t speak a single word, just watches her accept the rose and leaves quickly after that. Jessika came down shortly after that. Her eyes alit with excitement. “Rey you were so great,” She was on the ensemble-- which had to do without one dancer, but that was okay, because despite the hitches that had been predicted, Rey had pulled off the role without any of those hitches. “I wish I knew your secret,” Rey took off her makeup and smiled.

    “Thanks, Jess.” The dressing room she gets is to herself. Yet Jess seemed to frequent it too, which was okay, because she provided some relief from the notes that frequents her head. She’s pleasant and that’s all she needs to become her friend. “You were great as always,”

    “Oh I was nothing, in the background but you stole the show.”

    “You were great,” She puts more emphasis on it this time. “Whether you were in the background or not you are always essential to the show.”

    “Great in every way,” Jessika kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Rey is still feeling numb by the time she’s on the street and walking home again. Finn finds her on the street and it takes a minute for her to register the fact that he was there.

    “Hey, Rey!” When she does, she jumps. “Woah, what’s wrong?”

    “Nothing, Finn… nothing.”

    “You’ve been acting weird a lot lately,” He sighed. Should she tell him? Rey knew almost immediately that he would disapprove of her meetings with Kylo Ren and she didn’t want to out him like that, but something was burning in her throat. “I just want to know what’s going on, Rey?”

    “I don’t know why I’ve been acting the way I’m acting…”

    “And the notes you’ve hit… you’ve never been able to hit those notes before and don’t get me wrong, your singing is beautiful, I love that you’ve progressed so much, but if you’re wearing yourself out maybe you should take a break.” Rey begins to walk faster so she can get to her apartment faster. “Rey?” The music in her head won’t go away… “You know you can tell me anything.” His hand caught her and the two of their eyes met each other. “Please,” She sighed and decided that this is the only way she could do it. She’d never hidden anything from Finn.

    “I met someone,”

    “Okay…? Is he hurting you?”

    “No, he isn’t…”

    “That sounds really convincing.” He looks as if he’s about to do something really stupid and Rey lets go of his wrist.

    “Well he’s not! It’s just… I worry about him sometimes.” It was a half-truth. Still, this would have to do. “That’s all Finn… I’m worried about him,”

    “Are you sure?”

    “You trust me don’t you?” He nods and they finish the way to her apartment.

 

    

* * *

 

    Kylo is still in the area when he sees _him._ Another man by Rey’s side. Anger swelled up in his chest and he turned away, before he did something rash. It’s been a few minutes.

 

<<Rey:

 

Thank you for the rose, it’s beautiful.>>

 

<<Rey:

Sent file attachment.>>

 

    She put it in a glass vase on her counter.

 

<<Rey:

 

Also thanks for the new lock…>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Are you sure that getting to play the Countess until Phasma or her understudy recovers has nothing to do with you?>>

 

<<Kylo:

 

I’m quite sure. You do trust me don’t you?>>

 

<<Kylo:

 

I didn’t know about it. No fingers crossed.>>

 

    There’s a pause and she texted him back.

 

<<Rey:

 

Okay… I guess I’m just being paranoid. That’s good.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Will you come see me again soon?>>

 

<<Kylo:

 

You’re going to be busy for awhile, besides, I’m really tired.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Okay. I get it. I get it.>>

 

    He went home and didn’t text her back this time. Every time his mother tried to text him he didn’t answer. Taking off his mask, he rubbed his temple as a headache began to form in his temple. Kylo never really drank at all, in fact he was quite a lightweight. But tonight seemed to be the night that he needed it.

    The liquor got him to sleep for once but not without repercussion.

    

* * *

 

    It was as bright as day when it had first began. The birth of Ben Solo, the birth of a monster. His family loved him dearly and for a while everything was quiet. He was great with music and he’d shined brighter than anyone else. But in the desperate attempt to shed his mother’s name he had gone to the First Order Theatres to start anew. He was young, and definitely stupid enough to think it would be a good idea. For a while, everything was manageable, although he would often find himself missing meals when he went out to perform, found himself losing sleep. His mother and father had been worried about them and eventually he’d cut off all communication with them.

    It hadn’t been healthy and eventually Jessika Pava, a dancer had approached him after he’d fainted. She’d convinced him to leave and he decided that it would be best if he did. Except that wasn’t the end of it. With his luck it was never the end of it.

    The Theatre had a money laundering system that he’d stumbled across, the ginger-headed man was the one who had done it, when Kylo was nineteen. He still dreamt of it. The heat, the pain, what had cursed him with the face he had. Leia and Han had found him in a garbage can and when they found there was nothing to do to help him, that there was a chance that he would never recover, they had originally wanted not to hide him. Leia still loved him dearly, and they talked again. But self-loathing got the best of him, as it often did. Phasma had stopped talking to him completely, and the other… he couldn’t quite remember his name. He was still out there…

    

* * *

 

 

    Kylo woke up with a bitter taste in his mouth. “Wow, you have it bad.” Leia said. He jumped at the sound of her voice and his mother grabbed him before he fell off the chair. “You didn't eat anything, did you?” Kylo groaned and tried to get up, but he was dizzy and his mother had to force him to sit back down.

“Food sounds like the worst idea in the world, why would you put me through that?” His mother rolled his eyes and began grabbing pans and pots out of a cabinet. Only inducing more pain.

“And some jasmine tea, how does that sound?”

“That actually sounds really good,”

“What do you say?”

“Thanks, mom.” he mumbled.

“What did you say? I'm getting old, I can't hear you.”

“Thanks, mom.” he groaned louder. She helped him to the couch and then went back to the kitchen mumbling something about him being a big baby.

* * *

 

The next month was filled with Finn making sure that Rey was indeed, not being hurt by this guy that she refused to talk about. She always answered, “How could he hurt me if I haven't seen him in a month? I'm busy, Finn. Go hang out with Poe or something.”

“I just want to make sure you're okay,”

Everything went by so fast and she no longer waited outside for him, she gave up on that. She was still on the fire escape and her heart hurt. She wished her grandfather was here, yet she knew that was impossible, childish even.

“I wish you were somehow here again,” She'd say up to the stars. She no longer sang outside.

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Are you free?>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Have way too much food.>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Picnic?>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Of course, we don't have to if you don't want to. I get it. I was just wondering.>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

You know what never mind… you probably don't want to that's fine. I'm not that much of company anyways.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Right now?>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

What?>>

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Sure.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

I have literally nothing in my fridge, I have become the embodiment of starving artist.>>

 

 

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Can't have that. 20 minutes??>>

 

Rey smiled.

 

<<Rey:

 

Ok.>>

 

* * *

 

 

She was bundled up and waiting, he almost smiled, the basket of food weighing down his hand. “You okay?” he asked.

“Just tired.”

“Well I can go-”

“No, I mean I haven't been sleeping well. It isn't something that can be fixed…” 

“Have you tried sleeping pills?”

“I don't want to get addicted,” She admitted. He nodded as they neared the park. “Enough about me, what about you? What were you doing whilst I was away?” _Waiting for you_ would be a pitiful answer…

“Reading, mostly.”

“Any good books?”

“Just read Anna Karenina,” Rey raised an eyebrow. “And reread Frankenstein,”

“Damn, you do read a lot.” When they found a spot, Kylo brought out a blanket and laid it down. Letting Rey pick a spot before sitting down himself. The two of them sat in silence for a moment before Rey asked, “You don't have to answer this… but do you still have parents that are alive?”

“Why?” He tensed at that.

“My mum died at childbirth, and I have no idea where my dad is…” she said, “...and my grandfather took care of me… I don't have anyone.” 

His heart broke a little bit as he heard this. And he began to set out food as he listened to this. “I just… I don't know…”

“My father is definitely dead.”

 

“And your mother?” he didn't answer. Rey seemed promptly distracted when she saw him take out a Tupperware container filled with sausage. “Holy shit-” She grabbed it from him and he laughed. Too kind, perhaps even too trusting. They ate for a long bit of silence and Kylo watched the moonlight dance across her face. She, in every way, was someone that he did not deserve. She would never want him but that was okay because she was here by his side right now.

“I think, Rey … you're probably the best person I've ever met.”

She blushed, “What? That can't be possible.”

“It is.”

“Well you must've not met a lot of people.”

“I don't think any would compare to you…”

They pause and start to pick up their things and pack them up when Kylo randomly asked, “Are you seeing anyone?” Immediately he started to mentally curse himself. An awkward pause ensued.

“No, actually.” She said. “Why?”

“Nothing.” Another awkward pause as they start walking down the path that lead to the exit of the park. “No one you're interested in…?” Again, he wished he could hit himself in the head with a baseball bat.

“Ren…”

“Yes?”

“Are you trying to ask me out?” His ears redden and he turned his face away from her.

“No,”

“Are you sure?”

He was silent.

“Well if you were, the answer would be yes.” This made Kylo stop in his tracks. “Of course, I would have to check my schedule. But the answer would be- oh you stopped.” She giggled when she realized why. “You look like you just saw a ghost. Do you have something to say?”

"I um-"

  
"Let me make it easier, even though you already know what I'm going to say. Say, Rey do you want to go out on a date with me, Saturday at nine pm?"

  
"Rey do you want to go on a date with me, Saturday at nine pm?"

  
"Sure," she says. "If I give you a hug will you explode?" Before he responded she does and he feels as if he will. They both walk home with stupid grins on their faces and when Kylo got home, he found for once he couldn't stop smiling.

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

You won't believe it.>>

<<Leia:

 

What's up, fucko’?>>

 

<<Ben Solo:

 

I have a date!>>

<<Leia:

 

hOLY SHIT! I'M COMING OVER!>>

 

Kylo laughed and put away his phone. He had a date to plan for.  The moment was quickly overshadowed though.

 

<<Blocked Number:

 

I am not done with you.>>

* * *

 

  
Body reported dead at 10:08 p.m. on February 20th. Suspected suicide. His body found in the wings of Coruscant theatre. Rey felt chills go down her spine as she looked down at the obituary of the man who had almost attacked her all those nights ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I have a bad feeling about this."-Luke Skywalker


	8. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I remember there was mist...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, this chapter was the most difficult to write. I was planning on releasing it Sunday but nope, couldn't figure out how to do it.

Kylo tried to put it out of his mind and focus on the more important things, on the fact that for the first time ever, he was going to have a date. She’d told him that it was up to him to pick what to eat. Where and what to do. So out of anxiety, he had prepared every single thing that he had in his pantry and fridge. “You’re really going all out aren’t you?” His mother had laughed. “You’re really nervous, aren’t you?”

“Are you going to help me make this souffle or not?”

“I am, I am. You need to calm down.” The microwave beeped and Kylo nearly hit his forehead on a cabinet door. “Loser,” She snorted. “It’s just a date-” Their eyes met and Leia went silent. “Of course it’s not just that to you.” There is something of a smile on her face as she mocked tears. “My baby’s having his first date!”

“Mom!”

“You’re no fun.”

* * *

 

The whole week Rey tried to put the thought that Kylo had killed someone in the back of her head, she knew that this was New York, and people did that. _She had in self defense._ It was probably just self defense, right? He had made her sing and encouraged her and had inspired her so much. Now was not a time to think of that.

 

<<Rey:

 

Tell me the truth. Did you kill that guy in the theatre?>>

 

She deleted the text and sighed, her hands shaking ever so slightly. Now was the time for vodka.

 

<<Finn:

 

Are you free Saturday?>>

 

<<Rey:

 

Got a date. Why?>>

 

<<Finn:

 

I was gonna ask you to dogsit. I had promised Poe I would but I’m sick. I’ll ask Jess.>>

 

<<Finn:

 

You said you had a date??? Ooh girl. Why didn’t you tell me?>>

 

Rey laughed but didn’t answer. She intended on getting very drunk, considering it was only Thursday. Friday would be devoted to the hangover. Saturday would be the date.

“God what have I gotten into?”

* * *

 

    It was Friday and Leia had left Gary at the penthouse to distract Kylo, along with instructions telling him how long to heat everything up, and a set of candles and roses with a note that said, ‘ _It’d be better if you didn’t set the apartment on fire until after the date.’_  The dog wanted to be fed every eight seconds, which just wasn’t going to happen. It jumped up on the couch next to him and stared at him. Waiting, expectantly. “I literally just fed you.” He groaned. “It's not going to happen.”

Still- the company was good distraction. It just so happened that it was able to get him into the night, when Rey texted him. 

<<Rey:

 

Date tomorrow. Nothing changed right?>>

<<Kylo:

Nothing has changed for me. Having second thoughts?>>

 

<<Rey:

Past the point of no return.>> 

Kylo laughed. 

<<Kylo:

 

I'm serious. If you don't want to do this just tell me.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

I do. What should I wear though?>>

 

<<Kylo:

I'm sure you'd look nice in anything.>>

 

<<Rey:

 

You're no help. At least pick a color. Blue, white, Red, or green?>>

 

<<Kylo: 

White?>>

There was a pause and he could almost imagine... 

<<Rey:

Do I need to eat tomorrow before I see you or are you taking care of that?>>

<<Kylo:

I'm taking care of your dinner, yes.>>

<<Rey :

Cool. See you tomorrow then.>>

* * *

 

It was Saturday and all the anxiety that had been curtling in Rey’s stomach had instantly been forgotten when she saw him, dressed in a suit. “You look nice,” She grinned and took his hand. She was dressed in white, like he’d asked. It was a simple dress that fell to her knees. Something that wasn’t too revealing.

    “You look perfect,” He said. “Really perfect.” There was an awkward pause and then the both of them giggled a little.

    “So where are you taking me to?”

    “My place,” He said. “If that’s okay with you,”

    “Yes, it is. Silly. Of course it’s fine. How was your week?” He doesn’t answer and she assumed that it may be anxiety. They keep walking and go through a few back alleys, and at some point Rey was certain they passed the theatre, but the two of them were walking so fast that she hadn’t really noticed. “So what do you have prepared for me this evening?” They ascended a few flights of stairs and went down a hallway.

    “Dinner.” He said, “And then I have some music… If you’d like…”

    “Ooh, romantic.” He fidgeted with the door handle and then opened the door.

    “Was that sarcasm or-?”

    “No.” Rey said quickly. “It wasn’t. I’m actually really excited.”

    

* * *

 

    “I’m actually really excited.” _Oh god- what is something went wrong?_ She walked into the apartment with a look of wonder on her face. “This place is huge,” Kylo had never thought of it that way, to him it was crammed and confined, a place where merely pacing around made it seem small, and then he remembered the difference in living space. Perspective. Her eyes were drawn to the dozens of bookshelves that lined the wall on the right. Then the piano. “That looks expensive,” He fidgeted awkwardly.

    “Yeah it is,”

    “So… what first?”

    “Dining room,” He lead her to a room behind the kitchen. “I kind of didn’t know what you wanted,” Kylo explained, “So I made everything in my fridge and pantry,” Rey giggled at that, walking into the dining room with him.

“For a man who only lives in the darkness, you're really adorable.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

They eat and everything is going well, their conversation mostly directed at music. "How long have you been playing the piano?" She asked. Trying to aide him with small chat, at the time.

"Ever since I was a toddler,"

"Self taught or did you have a teacher?"

"I was self taught, mostly."  Rey takes a bite of souffle that she's instantly in love with, and becomes a little more entranced with him. At some point, both of them are stuffed and she drank way too much champagne, that she had a sneaking suspicion was imported directly from France. "When did you start singing?" 

"I was a kid, my grandfather used to compose. I would sing for him,"

"Oh, that actually... explains a lot..." 

"This food is really good, you prepared all this?" 

"Yes, actually. All of it." 

"Damn, seems like you have more than one talent." They both laughed and smiled. 

 

Rey was still trying to pinpoint what went wrong, and what exactly the both of them. They were at the piano as he played her a song, and her curiosity had gotten the better of her.

Although it hadn't completely been her fault. 

* * *

 

Kylo could recount the moments exactly, where it all went wrong.

At the moment he had played for her, something had felt off. There was a curious air between the two of them. Something unspoken that would later come to haunt him. She--being the naturally curious woman she was, had asked yet again, "Why do you wear the mask?" He replied, ' _A bad fight,_ ' Which had apparently been a lame excuse. "So you have a scar?" (Damaged nerve endings, that caused deformity in part of his face... it would've been easier for her to understand if he had just said that.) 

At the moment he had played for her, something had felt off. She was too curious or perhaps his guard wasn’t up as much as it should’ve been, the mask came off, Rey’d been the one who pulled it off of him. Her mood playful, and her breath smelling a bit of liquor.

It was his fault though. He knew it. Losing his temper like that. “Damn it!” He’d yelled, and pushed back the piano bench. She fell and cried out in pain. Possibly twisting her wrist. Everything began to blur at that moment and pulsed, the migraine that always seemed to come back to haunt him drove his thoughts and words, and he couldn’t really control that. His hand had covered the part of his face that she had just uncovered. “Is this what you wanted to see?”

Of course, he should’ve expected  it. To watch her recoil from his face. From the jagged scar and everything that came along with it. It didn’t stop the hurt all the same. Rey trembled, her eyes turning away from him. That’s when everything started to come back into focus.

* * *

 

His face was one that had seen too much, a long jagged scar was the brunt of what she had seen. Kylo had gotten in her face and she instinctively backed up, listening to the names he called her. She could’ve sworn he heard her whisper, “Rey… no…” Under his breath. The two of them spent a minute in silence as she tried to catch her breath. Something was wrong. She couldn’t stop trembling. All of the anxiety that had been culminating in her stomach over the week had come back to haunt her and now she was really, really starting to freak out. Slowly, Rey raised her hand, holding the mask ever so lightly. He took it from her and put it on. “I can get you home if you need-”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Rey-”

“Just… don’t…”

* * *

 

She had left and for a split second he was left with a feeling of numbness, and then the pain hit him full on. Sparing no mercy in doing so. At first, he couldn’t breathe, and the vase that had held another rose that he had planned on giving her was the first thing to go. It shattered and he shouted a curse word. Blood trickling from his palm. He felt like he was slipping away, once again. 

As he had thought, she had gone, but not before he had tethered some of his emotions to her. His only friend in all of New York. 

“How could I have been so foolish?” 

* * *

Rey had drank more vodka when she got done. 

 

<<Finn: 

 

How did the date go?>>

 

<<Rey:

 

It went.>>

 

* * *

The darkness was one place that was interesting only when you had a source of light to help you along the way. The darkness could choke you, and it did to Kylo. 

She was gone. 

She was gone. 

She was gone and it was all his fault. 

She had left and for a split second he was left with a feeling of numbness, and then the pain hit him full on. Sparing no mercy in doing so. At first, he couldn’t breathe, and the vase that had held another rose that he had planned on giving her was the first thing to go. It shattered and he shouted a curse word.

The next was the loneliness that set in, it was the thing that could shackle him to his bed, and tell him that there was no use getting up. And lastly the regret. 

 

It was all his fault. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that this chapter is not as long or as good as the other ones, I've had a really bad cold and a case of writer's block as well. So I decided rather than pumping out a chapter I would write a little bit of each day. This chapter was also hard to write as far as intense feelings go, but the next one will be longer, and I've already got the outline done.


	9. Chapter 08

Six months passed.

    In six months a lot had happened. Rey had made headlines for several plays and operas and then suddenly disappeared in the news feed. There were rumours of a mental breakdown being the cause of her disappearance. No one really knew what happened except for her. For about a month. She had buried herself in her work-- all the while Kylo Ren was on her mind. Nothing felt the same now.

The song that he sang in her head was constantly there. He would always be there singing it. But the both of them had put so much distance between each other that out of anger at getting shouted at, Rey had deleted his number from her phone and moved apartments a little closer to Finn.

This one didn’t have a fire escape.

* * *

 

“The third goddamn time in the last two weeks, Kylo open the door.”

“I don’t want to, Mother.” Kylo shouted back. In all that time, the migraine he had had was always there. The composing had come to a standstill. “Just go away.” She was silent for a moment, and he could tell she was trying to look through the peep hole and see him. That wouldn’t work, considering he was sitting on the floor under the door itself.

“I will stand here until you open the door.” He heard that sigh and he knew she was serious. There was ten minutes of solid silence between the two of them and then Leia sighed so heavily that he could hear through the heavy door. “Listen… I know that you’re still not over Rey.” She said. There was her name again.

His breath caught. The beginning of a song starting to form itself. “What are you trying to say?”

* * *

 

She had to move.

She saw him everywhere.

“Hey, peanut. I wanted to ask you something?” Rey looked up from her notebook and smiled at Finn. “What is it?” The smile was by far one of the most obviously fake ones she had ever pulled. Everything had been dull, and it had been harder to act, harder to sing, after the fight. She denied it. Denied how Kylo had inspired her voice.

 _It wasn’t specifically him._ She would say. It was almost four years since her grandfather had passed away right in front of her. Four years since she had learned exactly what being lonely was like.

* * *

 

“You two need to try again,”

“You’re not going to get involved,” His hands shook. Notes began to form in his head one more time as he thought of her. “Please,” This song wasn’t hopeful, or angry, or seductive. This song was softer. One that purely reflected on her.

“I think it’s already too late.” She said through the door. “For me to not have gotten involved.” That got him to open the door. And his mother’s face was both one of concern and bemusement. “What did you do?”

* * *

 

“Okay, so Leia’s throwing a celebration… for all the success she’s had the past year or so… a masquerade. She wants to you to sing.” He said cautiously. Rey tensed. “Now before you do that thing… where your face is all like ‘what the fuck I’m not doing that’ I think you should look at the song… I think you’ll like it.” He handed her a flashdrive. “But it’s your choice, you don’t have to do it, I get it if you don’t.”

“I’ll think about it.”  

    

* * *

 

 

    “I’m throwing a party, a masquerade.”

    “What?”

    “I need you to compose a song for Rey to sing at it,”

    

* * *

    When Rey got home she put the flash drive into her laptop and clicked on the folder, opening the audio file. ‘Think-of-me.mp3’ and by it’s side a digital music sheet that had a similar title. She put in her red earbuds and sat back on her couch, opening the music sheet next time. The piano started and she swallowed hard.

   

    <<Rey:

 

Who composed the song you sent me?>>

 

<<Leia:

 

My son did. Before he died.>>

   

    Right. Leia’s son. Before he was killed.

    It sounded so much like him. The lyrics flowed and she almost wanted to smile.

 

 _“Think of me… think of me fondly,”_ She hummed softly. “ _Promise me you’ll try…”_

 

    <<Rey:

I’ll attend the masquerade. I’ll sing.>>

 

* * *

 

 

    The song had been fully composed in the matter of an hour, he had recorded it and downloaded it on a drive. His mother refused to leave until she got the drive from him. It took another two days for him to learn that Rey would in fact be attending the masquerade, and he debated whether or not he should attend himself. The thought of hearing her sing again could’ve brought tears to him eyes.

    He knew he didn’t deserve it. It was Leia who had told him something that he had needed to hear. “I know that it hurt, being turned down like that.” She had said. “But what makes the pain you feel go away, what makes it easier, is trying again. Starting again will help heal the pain… Promise me, I know.”

* * *

 

    It was beautiful. The music was so beautiful. Rey prepared and Poe advertised the masquerade ridiculously. A rehearsal had gone off well and she almost forgot everything that happened. She almost forgot that the day of the masquerade was the day before her grandfather had passed. “What are you going t0 wear?” Finn asked.

    “What am I going to wear?” She said. “I have absolutely nothing to wear.”

    “I can help you with that.” Finn was not only incredibly gifted with acting and singing, but he was great with costume design and fashion in general. Rey didn’t really have a taste in it, so it was a relief to hear this.

    They had gone shopping and he had ended up showing her a long red dress, with black lace trim along the neckline. There was a slit that showed some cleavage. “Don’t you think that’s a little revealing?” She asked pointedly.

    “Don’t knock it until you try it.” And he’d been right. The dress fit her in all the right places, and she quickly fell in love with it. Despite the amount of money Rey still had in the bank from a very successful and lucrative year, Finn had been insistent on paying on it for her. Perhaps trying to distract her from thinking of things like her grandfather or her recently failed attempt at a date. (Or her teetering mental state. She didn’t care that she towed the ever-so-thin  line between completely sane and batshit crazy.)

    The masquerade was fast approaching. And she couldn’t help but be excited.

* * *

 

 

    There was one song left in him that he had to get out for the night.

    “ _Masquerade! Paper faces on parade . . . Masquerade! Hide your face, so the world will never find you!..._ ” The song could be used in both celebration and in something far more… tragic… and sad. Yet when he was done the only thing he could thinking of when he was done with the song was the songbird. 

He went to bed and didn't dream. 

He didn't have nightmares either. He didn't feel as scared as he had before when he received the text from a blocked number. 

<<Blocked Number:

Disaster awaits you, Solo.>>

<<Kylo Ren:

 

Fuck you too. Don't interfere with my life. You'll regret it.>>

Of course, he never sent that text. He felt accomplished for even thinking of sending it this time. 

He would have happiness.

Right now no one could take that away from him.


	10. chapter 09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for masquerades. Also I'm sick so I have nothing better to do but update.....

Rey was the first sing, and Kylo was utterly taken by it. She had done it again. She had made his song take flight. Her song took away from the fact that he had not been in a large room with so many people and let him get lost. It let him move through the crowd without feeling as if he were choking. His songbird was a phoenix in the limelight. Her voice elegant, but her red and black dress and personality added something fiery and joyous to the song. 

If only she could sing forever, he would be immortal. The press ate her charm up as he had. “My angel of music,” He’d whispered to himself. “Bravissima,” he whispered as she finished. The dancing began and he intended to get to Rey. To talk to her. 

This may work. 

Just maybe. 

* * *

“ _ We never said "our love was evergreen", Or "as unchanging as the sea", But if you can still remember, Stop and think of me, Think of all the things, We've shared and seen, Don't think about the _

_ Things which might have been, Think of me, think of me waking, Silent and resigned, Imagine me trying too hard, To put you from my mind _ …” She saw him. This time it definitely wasn’t the product of an overactive imagination. All of the sudden it clicked. This was his song. Leia was his mother. She felt stupid, but kept singing on the stage. “ _ Recall those days, look back on all those times, Think of the things we'll never do, There will never be a day, When I won't think of you. _ ” It made so much sense. She was onstage and it felt right again. It felt right because it was his music, and now for the eight note transition, “ _ We never said "our love was evergreen", Or "as unchanging as the sea", But please promise me that sometimes, You will think, Ah Ah Ah Ah, Ah Ah Ah Ah, Of me _ !” 

There was a part of her that felt disgusted by the fact that she still trusted him, after everything. Too kind. Maybe she was too kind. But she had always believed in second chances, she had always believed that people who had good intentions that messed up should be given a chance to correct themselves. The thing was-- she didn’t know his intentions. They had moved from the stage to the ballroom and Finn pulled her aside. “That was great, peanut. What’s wrong?” Her knuckles were white as she clutched the mask that she was supposed to be wearing. 

Everyone seemed to be singing. “ _ Masquerade… hide your face so the world will never find you.”  _ The thing was, no one was singing. 

“Nothing.” She said. “I just thought I saw someone I used to know… Let’s dance. Either ways I’m going to drink and you won’t want to drag my ass out of here after I’ve had about ten shots of vodka.” 

“You can really hold your liquor, for a girl your size.” He giggled, “But yeah. I don’t want to drag your drunk ass home, no matter how good of a friend you are.” 

* * *

The dancing moved in such a way that made Rey start at the direct opposite of the ball room. Kylo was right in the middle. He didn’t pay attention to the other girls that tried to make conversation with him until Jessika Pava said, “You’re staring at her.” 

“What are you doing here?”

“I was invited,” Jessika hissed. “Ben just let me talk to you-” 

“No,” He said. “You’re not who I am here for,” She disappeared into the crowd again. 

* * *

She could hear it. “ _ Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!”  _ There was something utterly saddening about it. That’s when she remembered what tomorrow was going to be like, and she lost Finn in the crowd. Unfamiliar faces were all around her. Trying to make sure he came nowhere close to her. It was too late. 

* * *

The songbird flinched when she saw him, but did not scream. Her eyes wouldn’t meet his. “Rey,” She didn’t reply. “I need to know something,” Still, he was met with silence. Which was fair, his behavior was reprehensible. “Did I hurt you?” She looked up, fire in her eyes. 

“You wait six months to ask me that?” He doesn’t know how to answer that and they keep dancing in time to the music. “You wait six months, have your mother organize this whole masquerade to get me here?” 

“That wasn’t my idea-” He said. 

“You wait six months and have me sing for your sick and twisted needs, without contacting me first, without bothering to try and make up before then. That makes you a coward.” She spat and he winced, expecting it, but hurt nonetheless. “Now why exactly are you here?” 

“I need to make sure you’re okay… and I wanted to say I’m sorry… for snapping at you like that. I’m sorry for putting you in the position I put you in anyways,” Her red dress fits her perfectly, makes her look like a Phoenix. She didn’t need a mask though. He wanted to see her eyes without the mask. 

“Okay,” Her voice softened as they danced, still loud enough to be heard over the music. “Okay…” 

“All I’m asking is for a second chance,” She looked tired. Like something was on her mind. “And I know that it may be hard, but I just want you to think about it.” 

“I have a headache, can we talk about this somewhere else?” He nodded and took her hand. They made their way outside into the darkness of the night, the press never saw her leave. The cold night gave him a little more confidence. After a moment of silence, Rey said, “You didn’t hurt me… physically. I can take care of myself. That doesn’t mean you weren’t a fucking dick either.” She took her mask off and let her hair down, Kylo watched as they unfurled in beautiful waves. “But you aren’t irredeemable either,” 

That makes his heart skip a beat. “It isn’t my job to fix you though, to relieve you of your insecurities. In all truthfulness, you scared the shit out of me.” The flat out truthfulness she used could’ve cut him in two. “You still scare me, a little.” 

“I’m sorry,” It is the face that has cursed him ever since he was nineteen years old. The fact that his nightmares haunted him and poisoned him that in return, turned her off. She had taken a whiff of the poison and decided she didn’t want him. 

Just then the doors open and the other guy he had seen her with comes barging out. “Rey!” That’s when he sees the two of them. “Oh, what-” Then he turned to Rey. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. We’re just talking.” She rolled her eyes behind that black wire mask. “You can go back inside, Finn.” 

“He’s not giving you any trouble,” 

“I would beat his ass if he did,” Rey stared pointedly at Kylo then, and he swallowed, knowing that she probably could. He wouldn’t fight back. “You’re a good friend.” Finn turned back to Kylo. Staring at him with a look of suspicion his face. He closed the door and went back to the party. “Don’t take it personally, a lot of things have happened. He’s just trying to make sure I’m okay.” 

“I see,”  _ Protect you from me. Make sure I didn’t hurt you. Make sure that a monster hadn’t taken you.  _

“Look, some of it isn’t necessarily you, I can’t make the kind of decision you want right now, Ben Solo.” This shocked him once more. 

“I’m not an idiot,” 

“No, you’re not.” He smiled as he said this. Rey always continued to surprise him.

“Don’t be a stranger,” Her voice felt cold and numb. “But don’t come around tomorrow,” She said. “I’ll be at the graveyard most of the day, I don’t want any company.” 

“I’m there for you, Rey. As you are for me.” Rey turned back to him and smiled. 

* * *

 

Rey went home to her new apartment and stood in the entryway for a moment. Trying to find solitude in the silence. She never could, it was silent when her grandfather died. Silence was never golden to her but instead the crimson color of blood. The red hair of a pale man standing in her apartment. “Before you call the police, I would like to talk to you about one of your acquaintances, Ms. Kenobi.”

“No offense but why do you keep following me? And why did you break into my apartment?”

“You're of interest to us,” the man said. Rey still remembered his number, put her phone behind her back, and hoped she was pushing the right buttons. “Your voice has otherworldly potential and with your repertoire you'd bring in a lot of money.” 

“I told you no,” She said, “And I also want to ask how you found my new address in 847 Rebel Lodging on Coruscant Drive.” He was listening. The ginger haired man cocked his head, but dismissed it. 

“I don’t want you to have to force my hand, Miss.” 

“You came here at a very bad time, Sir. Tomorrow is the day of my grandpa’s passing. I don’t want to be bothered.” 

“I am sorry to hear that but-” Something crashed in the hallway and the both of them jumped. “Insolent fool!” Kylo roared and Rey tried to keep from smiling. 

“You better get going,” She said. “My friend’s here. He’s kind of ripped. And while I could rip you in two with my bare hands it would be a lot more painful if he gets his hands on you.” Something else crashed. He was getting closer. Hux made a move for the door but Kylo caught him by the neck. Momentarily pausing to ask, “There’s an elevator to the left of the hallway, right?” 

“Yeah.” She said. 

“Be right back.” 

“Take your time,” The door shut and shouting could be heard all throughout the apartment complex. She locked the door and went right for the liquor cabinet. One drink wouldn’t hurt. She stripped out of her dress and donned a robe, grabbing her bottle of vodka and sitting down the couch, she felt that black chasm that usually opened up in her heart around this time of the year. 

There was a knock at the door and she opened it. He stood there in the doorway. “Are you all right?” 

“He’s not dead, is he?” 

“He’ll wake up with a rather bad headache in a garbage bin near his theatre.” 

“Good,” 

“Are you okay?” She sighed and closed the door on him.

“I’m tired of you asking me that,” She shouted. “Now go away, Ren. Let me drink in peace.” But now she felt as if she didn’t have the stomach for it. Instead feeling her hands shake and memories of violin that her grandfather used to play fill her mind.  

Loneliness set in once again. The bottle dropped and shattered all over the floor. “Are you okay?” 

“Go away,”

* * *

 

Her dreams were filled with the song they sang together, the song that brought her new notes and opened unsung talent. “ _ Sing once again with me… our strange duet… my power over you… grows stronger yet… and though you turn from me to glance behind… the Phantom of the Opera is there inside your mind…”  _ She remembered it clearly. Except this time they were closer and every time he sang her lips quivered a little bit. Every time they got closer she could feel herself being pulled in. “ _ Sing!”  _ He’d said. And oh how she sang. She woke up longing to do it again. Longing to hear his voice and feel entranced by his songs. 

He needed to know that she would give him a second chance. 

He also needed to know this was the only second chance he’d get. Rey laid back in her bed and tried to fall asleep again. Knowing the day ahead of her would be a hard one.

* * *

The next time he saw Rey was in the graveyard. Her grandfather’s mausoleum was close to his father’s own resting place. It was too cold for her to be out here. But still, she stood, shaking. He longed to help her, to be close to her, but she didn’t want it. So he wouldn’t. Not until he heard the song that she sang. 

* * *

It was a simple song. A song of mourning. “ _ You were once my one companion, You were all that mattered, You were once a friend and father, Then my world was shattered, Wishing you were somehow here again, Wishing you were somehow near, Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed, Somehow you would be here, Wishing I could hear your voice again, Knowing that I never would, Dreaming of you won't help me to do, All that you dreamed I could, Passing bells and sculpted angels, Cold and monumental, Seem for you the wrong companions, You were warm and gentle, Too many years fighting back tears… _ ” Tears spilled down her face and she sat down. 

Part of her was still sad and weak. Things were missing. 

That’s when she heard it. 

“ _ Wandering child, So lost, so helpless, Yearning for my guidance…”  _ His voice. She gazed amongst the trees. Searching for him. He held a cup of hot chocolate in his hand, as he sat down next to her. “I thought that you might need this.” Rey took the cup of hot chocolate from him and stared at it silently. 

“I told you not to come,” 

“No one should be alone on a day like this.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. 

“I’ll give you a second chance…which name do you want me to call you?” 

“What… wait…” 

“Do you want me to change my mind or not? Don’t question it. Now what do you want me to call you? Ben or Kylo.” 

“You decide,” He still looked so surprised that she would even consider it. And maybe she was foolish to do that. Maybe she should push him further away. She didn’t want to. 

“I think I’ll call you Kylo for now. Just because I’m used to it.” He nodded and watched her take a sip of her hot chocolate. There is something unspoken between the two of them and he tensed a little as she scooted closer to him. “I’m cold.” Hesitantly, Kylo wrapped his arm around her, and she knew he was trying to make a point of being gentle. 

“I don’t know if I told you this, but you were great at the masquerade, yesterday.” 

“Yeah, I kind of thought that you would think that.” She smiled, shivering. It was cold. Really cold. Snowflakes began to fall. 

* * *

Something good always happened when it snowed. Kylo had to agree with Rey. Good things happened when it snowed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is batman. Because the Phantom is batman. And Kylo is the Phantom. The Phantom is Batman and Kylo Ren is Batman and the Phanto, Lol Idk what's wrong with me I think it's all the Advil I've taken.


	11. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you will sing for me..."

 

It was snowing and that made the pain go away just a little bit. Kylo gave her a hand up and they both shared a moment of silence. “Thank you for the hot chocolate,” She was still shivering like an idiot. “It helped,”

    “You’re still cold,”

    “Yeah,”

    “My apartment’s closer if…” She nodded and they walked together back to the place that had originally caused the two of them so much grief. It looked more human now. Music sheets were scattered on the top of the piano. A book or two lay on the coffee table. Some things looked slightly out of place, a little disorganized, but this brought a little comfort to her. “I’m sorry if it’s messy,”

    “It’s fine, I’m honestly too tired to care.” She was becoming used to the awkward pauses in conversation when it came to him, the buffering that it took for him to find the words. Rey peeled off her coat and Kylo swiftly took it from her, putting it on the coat rack near the door.

    “The bedroom is the first door to the left if you want to take a nap or something.” She nodded. A faint smile on her lips. “I’ll be out here… you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

    Without really thinking, she asked, “Aren’t you going to come with me?”

    

* * *

    “Aren’t you going to come with me?” She asked. Kylo’s stunned into a silence that lasts a lot longer than usual and he began to fidget with things, straightening magazines on his coffee table. Adjusting the pillows he kept on the couch. “My angel of music, please.” When he turned back to meet her, he could tell he was blushing. She snorted and that brought a smile to his face. “You’re cute,”

    “Are you sure?” When she grabbed his hand, he knew she was serious. Her touch was so soft and he never wanted her to let go. They walked to the bedroom together. Both looking in various degrees of the term, ‘a mess’. She had let her hair down and her cheeks were red from both the crying and the cold. It didn’t take long for her to strip her pants off (which sent Kylo into another furious state of blushing that Rey found rather amusing. “You virgin,” She said.) “I have a robe if you’d like,” He said. She wavedd a hand dismissing him.

    “I’m fine. Now get under the covers, asshole.”

    “You like saying asshole a lot,” He grumbled.

    “Mask off, you don’t need it.” That made him pause for another awkward minute. He had almost forgotten that he was wearing it, but there posed a problem. The last time he had- “Kylo, darling… this is your apartment… you don’t need to wear it. And you’re about to get in bed with me. Not sexually- I see that you’re starting to blush again… just take it off. It’s fine.” That’s when he turned around and took it off, setting it on the bedside table and crawling under the covers.

    

* * *

 

    He still wouldn’t show himself. Rey groaned audibly. “What?”

    “Turn around, Kylo. I’m cold.”

    “There’s a lot of blankets…” That earned a laugh.

    “You really need to get over yourself. Have you never heard of cuddling? I don’t know about you but that’s a thing that I like to do. So turn around and cuddle with me like a fucking man.”

    “You swear like a sailor.”

    “You chose this,” With that he turned around, the two of them locked eyes.

    

* * *

 

    It might’ve been the most stressful moment of his life to date, that few seconds they locked eyes. She smiled, a gentle smile. Her fingers caressing his cheek. Not the normal side. The other one. “Thank you, for staying with me.” This is when she closed her eyes and brought herself closer to him. Kylo found himself at a loss for words as he gently embraced her. Rey was the first person to seek solace in his arms. Her breathing slowed and he watched as she fell asleep in his arms. “I love you,” He whispered.

    For a minute, he lay there in silence before falling asleep as well.

* * *

 

    The next day, Rey woke early. It took her a minute to remember where she was. The night had been one without dreams or nightmares, which was a good thing in her book. It was how long that she’d slept that seemed to be the problem.

    Twelve missed calls from Finn.

    Ten missed texts from both Finn and Leia. She wiggled out of Kylo’s arms, letting him sleep.

   

    <<Finn:

 

    I know yesterday was a bad day for you, Rey. But this is not funny. You’re not in your apartment and Poe was found dead in the theatre. Call now.>>

   

 

    She picked up the phone. Shaken. “Hello?”

    “Rey, you’re alive? Where the hell are you?”

    “I’m staying over at a friends,” She whispered. “What the hell is going on over there?”

    “Some crazy guy followed Poe to his house.”

    “Oh no,” She knew where this was going long before it was finished.

    “The police… they want to talk to you. Ask you where you were and everything… where are you?”

    “Am I a suspect?”

    “No, but they want to know if someone’s trying to target people around you. Rey I’m scared.” She sighed and shook Kylo. He woke with a start as Rey hung up her phone, her chest rising and falling hard.

    “Ren, wake up.”

    “Huh-? Oh… what’s wrong?”

    “My agent’s has been murdered.” That woke him up. It was enough to wake anyone up. “I have to go,”

    “There’s a taser in the medicine cabinet, take it.”

    “Why is there a taser in the medicine cabinet?” Kylo gave her a pointed look that told her not to ask, and she didn’t. Because this time she really didn’t want to know. She went into the bathroom and grabbed it before getting her coat and starting to run for the door. “Thank you for staying with me last night, really.”

“No problem.” Kylo met her at the door with a red scarf, draping it over her after she put her coat on.    

“Thanks,”

“Call me when you’re done, okay?”

“Didn’t know you cared,” She smirked. “By the way that was sarcasm, I know you care.” With that she shut the door. Dreading the day in front of her.

* * *

 

Kylo had been stuck to his room most of the day, despite the news that Rey’s agent had been killed, he had this warm feeling in his stomach that didn’t stop. She wouldn’t go from his head. Part of him was okay with this feeling. It was better than the pain that he normally felt.

* * *

 

“Where were you last night?”

“I was at the graveyard.”

“All night.”

“No, not all night. That’s stupid. Especially because it was snowing. I was at the graveyard from twelve in the afternoon to four.” She felt extremely tired. “What is this?”

“We’re just trying to find out what happened to Poe Dameron. Did he have any enemies?”

* * *

 

“Kylo, we need to talk?”

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

“The First Order theatre, they’ve sent an envelope full of anthrax to my door.”

* * *

 

“No.”

“Do you have any enemies?”

“No,”

“Are you so sure about that?” Rey rolled her eyes.

“If you want to know why New Yorkers hate police men, all you have to do is note the amount of sarcasm in your voice and fix it. Sir.” her fingers tapped the hem of her coat. “I don’t have any enemies, but I need to go check on my friend, Finn.”

She got up and headed for the door. “Have you ever heard of the Phantom of the Opera House?” She froze. “What?”

“The vengeful spirit that haunts the First Order Opera House,” The officer said. “It’s a stupid conspiracy theory, but there are rumours that the First Order Opera House has a dark history, and ended up killing a man. He came back as a vengeful spirit and began to haunt singers with beautiful voices. Wanting them to bring him justice. So he hung people in the theatre profession around the opera house until his justice was finally sought. The thing is… it never was.” Rey turned around and found that the police officer was not an officer at all. It was _him. Armitage Hux._

“Why are you here?” She asked. “Why are you bothering me like this? I don’t deserve it nor do I want it.”

“Because, bad things will continue to happen the more you deny us.” Rey shook her head and began to open the door. “And Poe won’t be last,” Her blood ran cold.

"You monster,"

"You don't even know the half of it." He got up, only an inch away from her face. 

“Threaten me again and I’ll kill you myself, or better yet, expose you to the police.”

"I own the police," she rolled her eyes and walked out of the interrogation room. 

"I will not sing for you,"

* * *

 

His mother rushed into the apartment telling him of the danger that Rey may be in when he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Something very, very wrong had about to happen. “We need to come up with a plan. Rey may be in danger.”

“She is in danger, I put her in this position.”

“Don’t do this now,” Leia sighed. “Not now.”

* * *

 

Rey had taken an uber home from the bar that night, it had been one drink but she hadn’t felt like walking home. She looked over her shoulder most of the time and couldn’t help but sense the fact that someone was watching her. The city whizzed by and her stomach did a flip.The pain of the impact was enough to knock her out in a matter of seconds. 

* * *

 

"She's not answering her phone, what do I do?" He was starting to panic. "I put her in this position... oh god."

His mother had been silent, staring up at the tv screen. "Ben..."

"What?" He snapped. 

"She was in a wreck."


	12. chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...Angel I hear you speak, I listen, stay by my side, guide me..."

“She was in a wreck, a three car pile up.” _No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No._ “The authorities on the scene said it's a miracle that she survived the wreck.” He hadn't noticed the glass of water he'd held crack and splinter beneath his fingertips. Blood pooled in the middle of his hand and he didn't even register it. “Ben,” Everything began to spin. He'd been suffocated before, this was different. Worse. “Ben!”

“What was she hit by?”

“You need to sit down,”

“ _What was she hit by, mother?”_

“An SUV and a limousine.”

He turned the sink on, washing the blood from his hand. When it was mostly gone he grabbed his mask and the violin strings he kept in his pocket. “Bye, mother. Try and get some sleep.”

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To do something extremely stupid,”

* * *

 

The First Order Opera House was a place he never wanted to be again. Phasma’s voice carried throughout the building. “Good lord, this place really is haunted.” It wasn't the main stage he wanted though, which was good considering the fact that another end up in a brain tumour. He was looking for the back, the hollow point which lead to the room behind the main stage. Where the money was kept.

Out of drama's sake, he played his hand on something the internet had began to make of him a very long time ago. _“I'm here, the Phantom of the Opera.”_

Phasma screeched and he moved fast, Hux now distracted by the diva. “ _I'm here, the Phantom of the Opera._ ” He stole to the shadows. Blood boiling in his ears. It was close, and he could feel it too. Kylo paid no mind to the shrieking and ran across the theatre. Letting just a glimpse of himself be caught so Hux would run further away.  

Once he lost him he found the room, a short man with dark brown hair was the only one there.

“Oh god, it's you.”

“Why does everyone greet me the exact same way?” He rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the violin strings from his pocket. “Now, we could do this one of two ways. The boring way or the exciting way. Tell me what you know about the hit on Rey Kenobi…”

“I don't know anything,” he was practically quivering in fear.

“I'm so glad you said that,” the string tightened and Kylo smiled. “This will be so exciting,” 

Rey saw blood. Everywhere. Everything was covered in the stuff and smoke was filling her lungs. She saw him. Hux. Before she passed out again.

* * *

 

“Ren, I have to say you have a knack for hanging people.” Kylo sat on the man's desk. “But I'm going to have to ask you to leave,” Mitaka hanged helplessly behind the two of them. Hoping that he'd be let down with his life.

“I'm not done,” He had his hand around the chair, ready to drop Mitaka. “You will leave Rey alone. Cease this torment.”

“And if I don't?” Kylo yanked the chair out from under Mitaka and listened to him scream. “You'll be the next,” He let Mitaka choke and grinned as he left. “Goodbye, Armitage.” Hux grimaced and ran over to Mitaka, presumably to set him free, as Kylo left. Something still raging in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

 

She looks like a doll, ready to be damaged, asleep in her hospital bed. Tons of flowers had been sent and it was past visiting hours. She hadn't woken up yet, and Kylo could feel dying notes between his fingertips begin to play as he kissed her forehead.

“Rey, I love you.” It didn't count yet. She wasn't awake to hear it. She would be some day.

* * *

 

The apartment closed in, shrinking and spinning out of control. “Sit down, Ben.” That voice. He tensed.

“Sit down,”

“What is he doing here?” Leia sat on the couch next to Luke. “I thought we've gone over this,”

“Sit.” The both of them said in unison. “We need to talk,” Kylo rolled his eyes.

“I want both of you to leave, I'm an adult and I want to be alone, is that too much to ask?”

“You can't be trusted alone with your own health, it's a hazard.”

“You're probably right about that,” 

He still didn't sit. “But my main concern is Rey, not whatever some old man who hasn't talked to me in ten years thinks of my opinion.”

“Ben, I know you're hurting…”

“Mom, give me a break. I'm tired.”

“Too tired to do something for me, come on Ben. Just sit down. Let's make up a game plan.” Kylo didn't look her in the eye. It was easier that way.

“No,”

“What?”

By that time he'd locked himself in his room, pushing his night table in front of the door. Quickly his eyes came across something breakable and he picked it up. A bottle. He threw it against the wall as his mother bang on the door. “Goddammit, Ben.”

“My sentiments exactly,”

“We’re not going anywhere until you open this door,”

“Really? I guess you’re going to be here awhile then.” Kylo was good at isolating himself. He always was, stealing away to his room ever since he was a child and locking himself in for days. That was how he’d originally written music. That’s where it would be performed. His parents had never gotten used to it. Now Leia was, and she still wouldn’t give up.

Why wouldn’t she just give up on him?

“Rey needs you more than ever, please… don’t do this now…” What was a monster to do when he was being called to, when he was being reached out to? He found a pair of noise cancelling headphones and plugged them into his phone. Playing back a recording of ‘Think of Me’ that had been recorded at the masquerade. Rey’s voice could bring tears to his eyes, but even moreso now than usual. Her voice lulled him into an unfeeling state somewhere between sleep and consciousness, where pain was not a question. Where the real world didn’t fall away. She was perfect to him, his happiness. How could this happen?

The only answer he could find was him.

He was the one that had put her in this situation.

He was the reason she was hurt.

Rey might not recover from the damage done to her, the amount of trauma done to her abdomen had rendered her sterile. Glass had scraped her several places on her arm and torso. She might not wake up.

She might not wake up. He swallowed and laid down in his bed, staring up at the stark white ceiling. Beauty fades, and it faded now. A red shooting pain blossomed and bloomed, and soon he couldn’t even listen to the sound of her voice without feeling it. Without feeling.

“Luke left…”

“That’s nice to know,” He yelled back to his mother.

“I’m going now too.” She said.

“That’s nice to know,” He said again.

“Call me when you’re ready to talk.” That he didn’t respond to. Thinking of Rey in her hospital room. It was all his fault.

All his.

* * *

“Wandering child, so lost, so helpless… yearning for my guidance,” Rey could hear him but she could not see him. She was dressed in something too fancy to be from this time period. “Have you forgotten your angel?” Something was wrong. She could hear Kylo’s voice but this time she felt scared. Too scared to move. 

“Rey!” Finn yelled. She turned to see him as Kylo’s voice got louder. Rickashaying in her head and lulling her into a trance. “Wake up!” 

She couldn’t wake up. Something hurt too much. Her eyes stayed close. She stayed asleep.

* * *

Darkness was fit for a monster. Loneliness for the sake of his loved ones. Rey was the only one he had. And she wouldn’t wake up. She wouldn’t wake up and that scared him. He didn’t want to go back to the way he’d been living before. “Rey, just wake up. Please.” 

 


	13. chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short chapter. I tried uploading this twice and it didn't work so I'm kind of frustrated having to write it this many times.

Failure would not be tolerated. Rey was going  to wake up, and Kylo would keep her safe. He had to keep her safe. She was apparently doing well. The nurses suspected that she’d wake up some time in the next week, but that didn’t stop Kylo from worrying, from  composing. He had gone into his apartment to see Luke standing there again. This hadn’t been a problem because despite his incessant talking, Kylo had put him from his mind and sat down at the piano, beginning to play again.

This song was a plea. He’d decided it would be the end of something bigger, but that would be for later. Right now was the ending of the song. Later the bigger. It had been a fault of Kylo’s ever since he was a kid, creating a microcosm in which no one else existed. It was only when Luke said her name that he came out of his little bubble. “The First Order theatre is running out of money, that’s why they need Rey. Because she’s a big deal in the musical theatre scene.” 

“The theatre isn’t there only front. And don’t talk about her. I don’t want to talk about her with you.” 

“It may be one of their most lucrative fronts, the First Order profits from up and coming musicians and actors, and then spits them out. You should know this. They did it quite well to you.” 

“Get out!” Kylo slammed his fists against the piano and Luke jumped. “I never invited you in here so get out!” 

“I’m just trying to get you to think, Ben.” 

“You don’t talk to me for the longest time and only come back to do my mother’s bidding. You failed me a long time ago. Now get out!” 

“You know where to find me,”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Once Luke was gone, it was back to his music. The only thing keeping him off the edge right now. The only thing that consumed his Rey when he wasn’t thinking of Rey and the danger he’d put her in. “God, I’m a horrible person.” 

“No you’re not,” He turned to see Rey standing there. Everything was wavering. “And before you ask any questions, yes… I’m a hallucination. You haven’t slept in five days. Which… well… the longest a human has ever gone without dying from sleep deprivation is eleven days? Don’t quote me on that. But it’s something around that. Guilt is eating you alive. I get that. But you have to take care of yourself if you want to see me again.” Suddenly, Kylo’s fingers felt very sore. “You’ve been at that piano for about six hours. It’s time to take a break.” 

“You’re a hallucination, you don’t get to tell me what to do.” 

“As a hallucination, I am part of your brain, idiot. Your brain is telling you what to do. Something awful may have happened to Rey, but that doesn’t mean that your chances of happiness have been completely wiped off the table. You get me?” 

“What?”

“If Rey were really here right now, she would tell you that happiness isn’t obtainable by obsession. It’s obtainable by taking care of yourself and striving for better.” Kylo paused and shook his head, but when he looked back to where Rey had been she was gone. 

“Come back,” She didn’t and Kylo got up. Heading for the bedroom. It wasn’t long before he was out. 

* * *

 

Kylo woke to the knocker on the door being abused. “Kylo, open up!” Jessika Pava. 

“Go away, Jessika.” 

“Oh my god, can you get over what I did for like ten seconds so I can talk to you about the Order!” 

 

“What do you know?” She sighed and waited until he conceded, opening the door but not letting the small girl in. Jessika held a yellow envelope in her hand and handed it to Kylo. 

“That Hux is smart, he won’t deliver things to you himself because he knows you’ll hang him with a violin string.” She raised an eyebrow, probably trying to get Kylo to admit to what he had done to Mitaka, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

“If I open this, will you leave me alone forever?”

“Forever is a long time to promise, Ren.” 

“Just say yes,” 

“You know… I like you a lot. What if I don’t want to leave you alone?” 

“I wouldn’t know why, I’m a horrible person. Maybe you just have horrible taste in men,” She shrugged and watched as he opened it. A simple note scrawled in the hand of a serial killer was all that was in the envelope. No creases. No folds. From Hux himself. 

The note read, ‘ _ It has come to my attention that you are going to keep meddling in my affairs until I have done something dire, so I have, your precious Miss Kenobi is now in the hospital. But since that hasn’t seemed to stop you, I’m issuing you one more warning. If Miss Kenobi survives this incident, and you somehow manage to get her out of New York city, then I will not pursue you. But if she is still here by the end of the month, I will continue to pursue her on the behalf of the theatre. I will continue to torment you until she breaks, and sings for me. Not you. Me.-H.’  _

__ Kylo crumpled the paper and threw it into his trash can. Trying to hide his emotions. “Tell him to bite me,” 

“You know that I’m not going to say that Kylo please-” He slammed the door in her face, knowing that if and when Rey did wake up, she wasn’t going to go anywhere with him. 

It was hopeless.

* * *

It was officially six days since Rey's accident and Kylo felt like death. He watched over her and decided to talk. “I know you can't hear me. I just… you're the only one I can talk to… you know?” he laughed. Almost wishing she would reply. Of course, she wasn't going to. “You need to pull through. I can't go back to the way I lived before.” 

He could've sworn one of her fingers twitched. Kylo kept talking. “I'm sure a lot of other people need you too. You have friends that you can't leave. Not yet. You're only twenty three.” 

He couldn't stop the tears or the weight bearing down on his chest, compressing him and making the walls close in on him. He laid a hand down on her bed. Hoping her touch would be warm and reassuring. “I wrote new music, not much but it's something…”

There was a pause of silence and he knelt down so he was at her level. “ _ Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime _ _   
_ _ Lead me, save me from my solitude _ _   
_ _ Say you want me with you here beside you _ _   
_ __ Anywhere you go let me go too… Rey, that's all I ask of you …” his voice is nothing but a trembling whisper as he started sobbing. He couldn't stop either, he almost didn't notice Rey's grip strengthening around his hand. 

“I'm here,” 


	14. chapter 13

"I'm here, I'm awake, there's no need to cry." Her voice was barely anything but a whisper, but she didn't release him from her grasp. She held on, tighter than she should've been able to.

"You're awake," Kylo was in disbelief, when he knew that he shouldn't have been. If anyone could pull through, it was Rey. Yet he was certain he was going to lose her, in the end he lost everyone. "My god, you're awake." The sobs kept coming and they wouldn't stop. He must've sounded pathetic to Rey.

She combed her fingers through his hair, and he could feel the pain in his head and his chest softening, "Yes. I'm here. Nothing can harm you. You won't lose me, ever."

Finally they let go of each other and he took in her appearance. Already, she looked lively again, if not a bit tired. She smiled at him-- surely to comfort him, and not herself. "A nurse is going to be coming in soon," he said. "I should go,"

"Don't be a stranger," she said. "You'll have to catch me up on everything later." He started to head for the door when she said, "Oh and Kylo?"

"Yes?"

"I want you by my side," He tensed. Had she heard part of his song? "Always,"

"I need you by my side,"

"I will be."

"Good,"

"Good," And with that, he left. His heart swelling with music notes.

<<Ben Solo:

She's awake, mom. She's awake.>>

<<Leia:

Oh thank goodness. I'll go check on her as soon as I get done at theatre.>>

She was awake, and for now Kylo was happy with just that.

* * *

 

Rey hadn't let on the fact that she had been in pain when she'd woken up. She didn't let on the fact that she had woken up terrified and certain that there was someone else watching her. Leia had been the first one to visit after Kylo, and she looked tired.

"Hey, how are you?" Too concerned. Something told Rey the car wreck had not been an accident, just from this. "How long have you been up?"

"An hour,"

"Are you in pain? I can get a pain pill from the nurse if you need it."

"No," she lied. "Thanks, I think we need to talk, Miss Organa."

Leia raised an eyebrow. "Okay, then..."

"I know you're Ben's mother, for one. I can't remember if we ever publicly addressed that. But I don't want you to lie about it, I need to know... about the Order..."

"Rey, it's better if you don't. For your safety."

Rey bit her lip, "Can you hand me that water-? Thanks. Anyway... this isn't about my safety, I mean... yeah I ended up here in the crossfires of a grudge match between a gang leader and your son, but this isn't about me. I want to know everything about Kylo and the Order, so I can try and protect him." This caused a long pause between the two of them before Leia smiled and said,

"Out of all the people my son could've fallen in love with, I am glad he picked you."

* * *

 

Kylo stayed to his apartment for the most part, but he longed for Rey. His mother constantly updated him on the speed of her recovery, and Kylo contemplated just how exactly he was going to get her out of New York city with consent. It wasn't until Jessika Pava arrived on his doorstep uninvited for the second time that he had an idea.

"Kylo, please answer the door. I want to help you."

This time he did. "You want to help me?" She flinched when she noticed he wasn't wearing his mask, but quickly relaxed and then nodded. "I want to give Hux a taste of his own medicine," He stayed at the door but handed her a note that he had drafted on a piece of fancy stationery that had been imported from Italy.

"Scare the everloving crap out of him?"

"Yes, exactly."

"What do you need me to do?" She was ready to help. Ready to prove her worth. As the dancer had always been.

"Put the note on Phasma's door on the tenth."

"Next Wednesday?"

"Yes. And then be ready for me to make a dramatic entrance."

"Those are my favorite," He had told her to leave quickly, both of them a bit giddy and filled with adrenaline at the thought of what was about to go down when he got the text.

<<Rey:

Kylo, I may just be getting paranoid but can you please come over.>>

* * *

 

Rey had been released from the hospital four days after her physical therapy and they said she had excelled in it, although she knew she was pushing herself just to get out of the cramped and stuffy place. There were no dust patterns along her one bookshelf or on her nighstands. Everything was too clean. She tried to play it off, tried to lull herself to sleep but her head was filled with horrid information entailing the torture Kylo had endured and her heart hurt, she woke up screaming, and sweating. That's when she had texted Kylo.

<<Kylo:

I'm on my way. What's wrong?>>

She stared out at her room, feeling like she was being watched by a malevolent person. They had bugged her apartment. They had to have bugged her apartment.

<<Rey:

I feel like I'm being watched, and not in the way I felt when you did it. >>

He didn't answer for a few minutes and then knocked at her door. "Rey, open up. It's me."

"You came alone."

"I'm always alone,"

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Rey. Now open the door. You're scaring me..." She opened the door, glad to see his face, his strange mask, glad to see him in all of his strangeness and beauty. Part of her felt safe now that he was here, the other felt pathetic for even asking it of him.

"Is there anything out of place?" Was the first thing he asked as he barged into her living room, not even a hello. "Anything that isn't normally where it's supposed to be?"

"Everything is too clean," she said. "That's about all. I just... I don't know... Ben..." He tensed as he heard her call him by his true name. "I just need someone here, I-" she couldn't breathe. Suddenly she felt very tired.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm here." She felt his arms wrap around her and the wave of anxiety that had been churning away in her stomach slowly but surely started to give way. "Nothing can harm you," she almost dropped to her knees but he picked her up in both hands, and did something that she had not asked him to do, something that she needed. He sang. "My words will warm and calm you... say you'll share with me one love one lifetime... lead me save me from my solitude...." and set her down on the bed.

"Stay with me, please." He nodded. There was no chance he would refuse. Carefully, he took off his coat, and unbuttoned his shirt. Placing both of them on the doorknob. She smiled. "You know... you're very pleasant to look at."

"Rey, stop." He blushed but didn't shy away from her. The mask was next, and then his belt. She held up the covers, waiting for him to get under with her. "You're too flattering."

* * *

 

Someone who felt safe around him, someone he could love and touch freely and romantically without her dying, and without their relationship being destroyed. That is what Rey was to him. That and so much more. She stayed close to him through the night and fell asleep in his arms.

His sleep was not so peaceful. Although he didn't move from his spot from fear of waking her up. Kylo's mind kept trying to forget that Hux had caused Rey the same kind of trauma that he'd caused him, and that never left.

Never.

Next Wednesday couldn't come any sooner.

Rey's normal heavy breathing was the only thing that kept him from bursting out in a fit of anger. It tethered him back to Earth, and for an hour or two, he slept peacefully. 

* * *

 

Rey knew nothing of what was to come, she didn't know of the practice where Phasma was singing the song that he had written for her. And that was for the best, he stayed to the catwalk above the First Order's theatre. All he had to do was show his face, be the ghost everyone reveled in when they read stories, to get a reaction. People screamed, and Jessika did as she was told.

"He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!" She screamed. Phasma was next.  In complete indignation, but she remembered him. She remembered what they had done to him and to some extent it scared her. Kylo used that to his advantage. Watching as Jessika ran to the stage.

Hux immediately began to blame people as he always did.

"Trespio, come down here! Explain yourself!"

"Please, Monsieur as gods my witness I was not at my post. Please, Monsieur don't look at me, there's no one there and if then it must be a ghost!" Trespio shouted.

"He's here!" Jessika shouted. "The Phantom of the Opera!" Kylo had to refrain from laughing, she did a good job of riling up the stagehands and actors.

"He left a note!" Jessika shouted, bringing the envelope out from behind stage.

"Heavens, you insolent child!"  
She didn't wince, but handed it to Phasma. The one who would read it the loudest so Kylo could hear from behind his hiding spot.

  
"I have some instructions you must follow to keep your life..." Phasma said. "First, you will cast Phasma in a silent role in your next show..." there was a sound of indignation and then she continued on. "Second, you will stop trying to get Miss Kenobi to sing for you. She is her own. Not yours... And Lastly, you will turn yourself in for illegal activity or a great tragedy will befall this theatre. Signed the Opera Ghost."

The job was done. The people at this theatre were riddled with superstition, and the ones who weren't were smart enough to know that a 'psychopath' calling himself the opera ghost was not to be messed with. He left without a word. 

* * *

 

Rey didn't tell him of the performance she had planned to be in, just dancing. She knew she couldn't handle the spotlight or the crowds. But she had practiced and danced and danced and danced and Leia and Finn welcomed her back with open arms. (It had seemed to be fate, that the one who was supposed to sing her aria was nowhere to be found. It was a certain rendition of Think of Me, one probably polished up by his mother, or a newer version Kylo may have composed himself.) Jessika Pava spoke loud and clear when she said, "Miss Kenobi could sing it."

Everyone had momentarily forgotten about her until that moment and she hated it. "Jess," she hissed. "Why?"

"You can do it,"

"Rey, are you sure you want to do this?"

No.

No, I don't.

"I-"

"Take it as a yes," Leia said and pointed at the man at the piano. "From the beginning of the aria then?" The music started and Rey tried to run off stage, but Finn and Jessika were on both sides of her, their encouraging faces too much to let down.

"Think of me, think of me softly..." she cringed at the shakiness of her voice, at the fact that she was so afraid.

She could've sworn she someone said, "This is doing nothing for my nerves,"

But Leia hurriedly countered back with, "Don't worry, dear. You can do this."

She sang. "Seasons fade..." her eyes had managed to wonder up to Box Five, where she had seen him. Her voice swelled and filled the theatre, and she could feel her confidence returning in small pieces. He was here. "The fruits of summer fade..."

She was okay now. He was here. The song swelled as her heart did and when she was finished she was left with a warm feeling in her heart.

She was safe.

Accepted.

Kylo smiled at her and then nodded before disappearing from Box Five.

"You did good, kid." Finn hugged her. "You did good,"


	15. chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When your heart finds love, the heart will be right..."

Rey had knocked on Kylo's door lightly, greeted with a genuine smile as she was often at his door. "Hey," The two of them shared a moment of silence, unable to look away from each other. "Thanks for showing up at my practice," 

 

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world, now come with me to the kitchen. I'm cooking." The both of them were silent for a moment, before he asked. "I know this may be personal-- but why were you so nervous?"

"Why do you still wear your mask in front of me?" Rey deflected his question and Kylo pursed his lips. "Rey, that's different. Tell me why. Please."

"How is it any different? You know me. I know you. I know your face." He looked as if he was about to say something, but stopped himself. 

"Dinner's done. Go wait in the dining room."

"Kylo-"

"Rey, please." She sighed, her frustration clearly showing, Kylo flinched as she turned away from him. Something on both of their minds. Something neither of them were willing to tell each other. The two of them ate in silence, guarded from each other. It was Kylo who broke the ice. "Some days are harder than others," 

"What?" Rey's head popped up violently and she grimaced. 

"If I tell you the reason I still wear it- the mask- will you tell me why you're on edge?" She nodded. It was more than a fair trade. 

* * *

 

 

 

There it was. There was always a catch when you were trying to get someone to tell you something, and with Rey it came no different. Kylo tried to pretend he wasn’t a bit irritated about how she had suddenly closed herself off with no warning, (that was after all, his job, not hers) he took a deep breath and said, “You grieve your grandfather, yes?” This wasn’t the question he wanted to ask, nor the one he should’ve asked. But he wanted to divert her thoughts from the First Order. Ignorance, even if for a little while, could be bliss.

“Of course,” It was easy to see this was a fairly stupid question in Rey’s eyes. “Why?”

“When you grieve, you remember things right?”

“Yes,”

“Well some times- and it’s not your fault- I remember your reaction and… it’s just hard.” Her gaze softened, and he knew for now that she wouldn’t have to deal with this pain.

“Your face holds as much beauty as your music,” Kylo felt like he couldn’t breathe, she grabbed his mask gently, and took it off his face. “You don’t need it. You’ll never need it around me, okay?” They were so close, his eyes found her lips, and for a second he almost thought she really was going to kiss him, but he pulled away before that could happen.

No. Not yet. Not now. “I can’t do it,”

Rey didn’t say anything as he turned to her, “Now you have to tell me why you were so nervous? You’re never nervous on stage, at least, not enough to show it.” 

    His songbird laughed, “I’m really good at acting.” she said. “I’m just… still trying to get over what happened. That’s all. The spotlight was in a place I didn’t want to be for a little bit. You made me feel safe on the stage, though. So it’s fine.” Her eyes started to droop and Kylo could tell she was tired, he embraced her gently, savoring the feeling of her body resting against his.

    “Rey, are you awake still?” He asked after a minute of silence.

    “Yeah, why?” She was about to get up but he quickly said,

    “I just… I want to tell you something. It’s easier if you don’t look at me, okay?”

    “Okay…” She paused, “Go ahead… tell me…” He took a deep breath and readied himself for the possibility of an outburst, or a negative outcome in general.

    “I… I love you…” He said.

    Silence. Rey tensed in his arms, but didn’t move. “I…” She sounded as if she was going to choke on her words.

    “You don’t have to say it back, I just needed to tell you that.” They both fell asleep soon after that, Kylo held onto Rey like his life depended on it, and in some ways it did. In most ways, it did.

* * *

 

Kylo woke to hearing someone in his kitchen, and Rey was no longer in his arms. Two women giggled, “Kylo, honey. Tell me when you’re going to wake up. It’s well into the afternoon and Rey and I can’t make fun of the way you sleep with your mouth open all day.”

“What? Huh?”

    “That’s been his response to everything since he was a child,” Rey giggled at this again, and Kylo finally smelled the eggs and coffee that were being made. Leia stood over the stove, eyeing him carefully as he got up. He knew what the face she gave him meant, ‘ _You are with two women who know you, take off that mask.’_

    He shot her back a simple look that meant, ‘ _No._ ’

    “I trust you slept well?” He asked Rey.

    “I always sleep well when I’m in bed with you.” Leia burst out laughing, and Kylo couldn’t help but blush.

    “ _Mom, she didn’tmeanitlikethatwhydoyouhavetomake-”_

    Rey moved over to him, wrapping her arm around his and gazing into his eyes. “Calm down, it’s just a joke.”    

    “You two get a room, and let me finish breakfast without a gross display of public affection.” They left as Leia had jokingly asked, and sat next to each other at the table. 

"Why'd you let my mother in-?"

"Because she asked, and I think she's a genuinely pleasant person."

"Yeah... it's just... I don't know." He shook it off and they were silent for a minute, before Rey leaned against his shoulder. 

"Is this about last night? Because you should know that... the feeling is mutual." 

"Really?"

"You don't believe me?"

"I do, Rey. I do." He said this as if uttering the words made it true. He desperately wanted it to be true. When they became silent again, Leia came bustling in with two plates of eggs, bacon, and orange slices for the both of them. 

"I ate already," she said, "But here you go."

"Thanks," Kylo said impatiently. 

"I'll take that as my cue to exit," He relaxed again once he knew that his mother was out of his apartment. 

"You know, that was a bit rude." Rey said. "After all, she just made us breakfast."

"I just want to spend time alone with you. That's all. I didn't mean it."

"I'm sure you didn't, just promise me you'll apologize to her later." He nodded and they ate, Rey's giggly mood returning to her as she got food in her stomach. They had just returned to the couch when Rey shouted, "I just had an idea!" 

"What?"

"That song you sang to me-"

"You'll have to be more specific."

"The one where you were asking me to stay with you and all that. That one." She ran to the piano and found the sheet music. "This is unfinished,"

"What, yeah... why?" 

"Imagine it, obviously there is more potential here. I mean if you think about this, it could be a duet." It clicked, and he met her at the piano. Beginning to play as she sang. " _No more talk of darkness, forget these wide eyed fears, I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you."_ There was a change in her tone as she wrote down the words, " _All I want is freedom, a world with no more night, and you always beside me, to hold me and to hide me."_

He picked up the song this time, " _So say you'll share with me one love, one life time, let me lead you from your solitude..."_ It was exhilarating, working on a song with her, and beside her. Their lips were so close again, it made him feel weak. This time Rey didn't try, and part of Kylo felt a little disappointment, but he guess he deserved it. Once the song was done, the both of them hugged and she laughed. " _Love me, that's all I ask of you..."_

* * *

 

The day and night was filled with them just being close,  with connection and unspoken moments that Rey couldn't help but cherish, but it was interrupted with a knock at the door. "Oh, Kylo..." It was  _him._ The both of them froze, and Kylo motioned her to head to the bedroom. She stayed where she was. "Is that little whore in there with you?" Neither of them answered, but Kylo was halfway across the living room, a knife in hand. "I'll take that silence as a yes, which is good, because I have to remind you. A month goes by rather fast, and if you can't get her out of the city, if you can't get her to stop stealing money from our theatre, a great misfortune will befall the two of you."

"Kylo, don't..." she whispered. 

Hux laughed from behind the door and said, "I shall leave you two to your evening now, wouldn't want to encroach on romance." The damage had already been done. Kylo was shaking and Rey was left with a million questions. None of which, he was able to answer. 

"Kylo, drop the knife."

He did as she said, shaking near the door still, "I... I... can't... I'm sorry... I..." She knelt next to him. Tired, but this time she wasn't scared. The two of them stared at each other in silence, before Rey's lips met his, and her fingers brushed back his hair behind his ear. Her hands caressing his face gently. 

* * *

 

Kylo was in shock, at first. Her lips were soft and gentle against his skin. He melted into her embrace and her kiss, this time kissing her back. He never wanted to let go, never wanted to come up for air, because even when his lungs felt like they were going to burst, he said to himself that if he was drowning, then he wanted it. He wanted it all.

 


	16. chapter fifteen

Rey had released him from her kiss and got up, Kylo practically chasing after her, wanting her touch, wanting her. The apartment was dark. No one was there with them. Neither of them went any further than kissing and embracing, but that was okay, they felt safe in each other's arms and it was okay. When Rey's eyes started to droop and Kylo could feel himself starting to get tired again, they retired for the night. The First Order on the back of their minds. "You're beautiful," Kylo whispered. "You're beautiful and I really don't deserve you."

"Don't be stupid, we deserve each other." Rey said, turning over in bed. "We kind of fit perfectly. Don't you think?" 

"Yes." Kylo closed his eyes, relishing the quiet moment in bed they shared together. 

"My angel," Rey said sleepily. "How lucky I am to have you..."

* * *

 Kylo woke up to a loud, "Fuck!" And bumped his head on the headboard. 

Rey wasn't by his side, but instead pulling on the pants she had been wearing the day before. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fu-"

"Rey? What the-"

"I forgot I had a benefit to go to today at tenanditseightthirtyandholyshit-" 

"Do you need me to call you a ride?"

"Already did. Thanks though."

"Who's the benefit for?"

"Orphans, musically gifted orphans. I was helping fo charity work to get them exposed to the music program before the accident. I had scheduled a benefit for today and I was going to talk to some kids and all. We'll see how this goes..."

"Generosity compensates for being late," he got up and grabbed her coat, helping her get it on. "You need to eat first." 

"I'll eat on the way,"

"Rey-"

"I have to go now, it's about an hour away and what if there's traffic?"

"Fine. But you have to promise me you'll eat."

"Yes, mom." Rey rolled her eyes and then gave Kylo a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be fine, you can even text your mom later to find out if I've eaten or not."

"Goodbye,"

"Goodbye, Angel."

* * *

 

 The benefit had been well set up and Rey was delighted to see the kids, as they were happy to see her. "You know, you've been spending a lot of time away from your apartment, it would've been easier to pick you up if you were actually there." Finn said. Both Rey and him were still out of breath, and had stressed about getting there on time the whole way. 

"I was at my boyfriend's. I forgot." She hissed through her teeth. Kids came up to greet her and she smiled. "We'll talk about this later. Hey! How are you guys doing?" It was a stupid question to ask but these kids all answered with mostly positive affirmations that they were in fact, doing well. She gave them a heart to heart and asked them what music meant to them. 

Her attention, however, gravitated to a small girl with ginger hair at the back of the crowd. She kept her face half hidden from the crowd but she stared up at Rey, paying her full attention. "And what about you?" She asked. "Girl in the back, what's your name?"

They had all been crowded into a room much like a school auditorium, and Rey had been kneeling down on eye level to look at the kids, now she stood. "Her?" One kid pointed to her. "Her name's Bailey. She doesn't talk much." A few kids snickered and Bailey seemed to shy away from this attention. 

"Bailey, will you come up here?" Someone pushed her and she got up, her hair still in her face. Slowly approaching Rey, softly, the singer knelt again, a smile on her face. "Come on, I don't bite. Bailey, I would like you to tell me... do you like music?" The girl nodded, as though it was obvious. Her long and slender fingers streched and kneaded the hem of her shirt. "What kind? Will you tell me?"

"Everything," The girl said. 

"Ah, a wide variety... that's good. Can you play anything?" The girl nodded again, this time showing her face. Rey saw what she kept hid, a facial disfigurement. But she didn't recoil, instead taking the girl's hand and putting her on the piano. "Can you read sheet music?" 

"Yes," the girl said. All the kids seemed to be captivated, waiting to see what would happen between the two of them.

Rey handed her some music and said, "Do you like to sing?"

"Miss, I haven't-"

"Sing for me. Do not look at them, sing for me and play. Please? You can do this." She nodded and the girl began to play with the grace that Kylo did.

"  _Love's a curious thing, It often comes disguise, Look at love the wrong way_  
_It goes un-recognized, So look with your heart, And not with your eyes_  
_A heart understands, A heart never lies, Believe what it feels, And trust what it shows, Look with your heart, The heart always knows._.." The room went quiet, listening to the way the two of them worked together and clicked almost instantly. "

" _Love is not always beautiful_  
_Not at the start_

 _So open your arms_  
_And close your eyes tight_  
_Look with your heart_  
_And when it finds love_  
_Your heart will be right_

 _Learn from someone who knows_  
_Make sure you don't forget_  
_Love you misunderstand_  
_Is love that you'll regret"_

_"Look with your heart_

_And not with your eyes_  
_The heart can't be fooled..."_

_"The heart is too wise,"_

_"Forget what you think..."_

_" Ignore what you hear..."_  
_"Look with your heart_  
_It always sees clear..."_

 _"Love is not always beautiful_  
_Not at the start..."_

 _"But open your arms_  
_And close your eyes tight_  
_Look with your heart_  
_And when it finds love_  
_Your heart will be right..."_ It was clear that this girl was well beyond her years, and the cheering came from both kids and social workers a like. The girl smiled, and Rey could see her eyes light up. A warm feeling spread through her as she gave the girl a hug. "You're very talented," she whispered, "Don't let anyone push you down. You deserve more."

"Thank you, miss."

The two of them released each other and Rey shouted, "There's enough instruments to go around. Let's get to !"

* * *

The event had been captured everywhere and something ate at Kylo's mind. The way she had interacted with children... He had to ask when she got home. He had to. 

* * *

 

Rey and Leia walked the streets to Kylo's apartment together, Rey staying mostly silent, and tired. "You doin' okay, kid?" She asked. 

"I'm ... a bit tired.... that's all. I... I guess the day just caught up with me. That's all." Leia raised an eyebrow.

"Rey, have you eaten?"

 "I don't remember exactly." She said. Leia wrapped her arm around Rey's waist as she started to sway. She was beginning to sweat. 

"Come on." She said. "We're almost there." The two of them walked together in the cold, and Rey blinked hard. "You know, you're still recovering from a car wreck and the doctor talked about dizzy spells. You need to eat."

"I got carried away." Was all Rey could say. She felt an immense amount of vertigo just as they got to the stairs. 

"Kid, it's good that you helped these kids, but you have to eat." She couldn't do it. Couldn't go up the stairs. Leia made her sit down and called Kylo, who came swooping down the stairs in seconds. Right as Rey was starting to fall asleep. He picked her up and the both Kylo and his mother ran up to his apartment together. "Do you have orange juice?"

"Yes."

"Any sweets?"

"Not many, I have some cookies... apples... tea, honey."

"Set her down on the couch," Kylo began to panic, about to get up but his mother made him sit. "Sit her up, make sure she stays somewhat conscious. Okay?"

"Yes, yes of course."

"Kylo... I'm tired..."

"Wait a minute, my songbird. You need to eat."

"Can I close my eyes? Please? My head hurts..."

"You told me you were going to eat,"

"I forgot."

"I can see that," Things banged around in the kitchen. "You didn't tell me about the dizzy spells, why?"

"I didn't think it was that important. I've been sticking to my meal schedule. This is the first..."

"It's important, Rey. I need to know your health conditions so I can make sure you stay healthy."

 

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. Can I close my eyes?"

"Will you keep talking to me?" 

"Yes,"

"Good. Your performance with that little girl was endearing."

She laughed a little. "She reminded me of you, shy, but full of potential, and very talented."

"You're too cute,"

"You too, angel." Leia came back with some orange juice and cookies on a plate. 

"Rey, you gotta get up." She groaned at this but did, took the orange juice, and drank it slowly, putting the cookie plate on her lap. "Don't do that again," Leia said. "You scared us," Rey nodded. Her orange juice downed. 

"Sorry."

"It's fine, you just need to take care of yourself."

"Yeah, that's something I'll have to work on. After this... can I sleep? I want to sleep."

"When you finish both." Kylo and Leia said in unison. 

"Okay, fine."

* * *

 

Once Rey had gone to bed, Kylo and Leia had stayed in silence, sitting on the couch. "No mask?"

"For once, I feel I don't need it. Not around her."

"That's good kid," she smiled. "You've been different, you look different. Happier."

"She kissed me, yesterday."

"What?!" Leia shouted. 

"Mom, shut up!" Kylo hissed. 

"I'm sorry. That's wonderful." Kylo felt a small smile tug at his lips after his mother embraced him. "I'm so happy for you. You don't even know."

Silence. "I'm sorry for snapping at you the other day," he said. "You were being perfectly nice and I should've said thank you instead."

"It's fine," 

"I was just mad about Luke-"

"I get it... you two still aren't on the best terms..." 

"I shouldn't have taken it out on you,"

"You already said sorry."

"I just needed to say it again."

"Well I need to go." Leia got up and headed for the door. "I'll see you two love birds later." She was about to close the door behind her when she said, "Oh and honey?"

"What?"

"Use condoms." She said with a mischievous laugh, watching her son turn three different shades of pink. "Goodbye,"

* * *

 Rey was tossing and turning when Kylo got into bed, muttering something about her grandfather. Her skin glistening with sweat. A nightmare. He embraced her and she calmed a little, but not by much. 

Kylo kissed the back of her neck and sang, " _Say you want me with you, here beside you, lead me save me from my solitude..."_ She calmed at his voice, falling into a deeper, more peaceful sleep. "You're safe," Kylo whispered, "For now you are safe."

* * *

 

It was coming, Hux watched the video of Rey with the daughter he had cast away so many years ago, and felt a disgusting metallic taste in his mouth. 

"You ready to proceed with the plan, sir?"

"The month is almost up, I gave them their chance. Go ahead. Progress with haste."


	17. chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I gave you my music, made your song take wing, and now, how you've repaid me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, god, please forgive me for this chapter.

 

 

Rey had woken to the smell of breakfast and friendly chatter outside of her room, Kylo came in a minute later with a tray. Sausages, eggs, toast, and orange slices on them. He was balancing a cup of hot tea as well, and Rey had to question how he managed to do it without eight different arms to aide him, ¨Why breakfast in bed?” She asked.

¨Maybe I just want to treat my girlfriend to something special,” He said. Rey raised an eyebrow.

¨Kylo, if this about me not eating yesterday, I´m fine. It won't happen again.”

¨Actually, it's not about that. Not at all. But still, it's nice to know you´ll take care of yourself and not give me a heart attack again-¨

¨Okay, what is the breakfast about?”

¨Are you serious?”

¨No, Kylo. I totally know what’s going on right now. That´s why I asked you what the breakfast was about.” He rolled his eyes and she took the tray.

¨Today is your birthday,”

¨Wait, what? Whatś the day today?¨

¨The thirtieth,” He raised an eyebrow. ¨You seriously forgot your birthday,”

¨Fuck, I thought that was tomorrow.”

¨Eat, I have more things to get ready.”

¨Kylo, I don't want to celebrate my birthday,” she said, ¨I don't really see the need to.” It was futile to try to protest this with him. Saying something about how she deserved every celebration in the world and giddily leaving her to her food. For him, she finished her things slowly, getting dressed in yesterday´s clothes. She remembered the last time she celebrated with someone, the last time her grandfather had gone out and gotten her a cupcake, the last time he played Por una cabeza for her on the violin.  They ate macaroni and cheese together and watched Reys favorite disney movie for the hundredth time in a row, Beauty and the Beast. ¨Can I come out now?” She asked. When he died, she was left with nothing. He hadn't left her with a will, because he died exceptionally young for a man his age.

"Yes, you can." Kylo's voice jarred her from the memories of her own sorrows. She pressed against the ivory door, Kylo was standing there with a grin on his face. "Get ready for the best, yet most subdued birthday in the history of best subdued birthdays with your boyfriend."

* * *

 

Kylo was actually really nervous, all of the possibilities of screwing this up running through his mind. Rey hadn't celebrated in years, which meant the likelihood of her wanting a full scale organized birthday was near none. So instead he went with her favorite foods and a collection of Disney movies, Leia had taken the liberty of ordering a last minute cake and pizza, and he made macaroni. Grabbing one of the roses that he kept in a vase and clipping off all of the thorns.

"I have arranged an array of disney movies for you to choose from, I'll sit and suffer through any one you would like to watch. I also made spicy macaroni and cheese." He handed her the rose, watching the panic that had previously been in her eyes dissipate. A simple evening is what she wanted, it's what she would get.

"You're wearing your mask," The one thing he forgot. Kylo took it off, letting his face be shown.

"Pure accident, this time. I swear." Now was not a time for his insecurities to get the better of him. "Now, take my hand and let me lead you to the couch." She giggled as he instead, decided to spontaneously bridal carry her.

The next hour was spent with a barrage of Disney movies, and although Kylo tried his best to deny the fact he too enjoyed them as much as Rey, it proved futile. He teared up at the end of nearly every one, and Rey would end up kissing him on the cheek and saying, "You're adorable."

"I'm not,"

"You're too adorable."

They would fight over this while the Hunchback of Notre Dame played, and ended with Aladdin. Rey had burst into song when they put in Beauty and the Beast and Kylo rolled his eyes, loving the child like enthusiasm in her voice and actions. Glad she was enjoying herself.

Leia knocked at the door with the cake, pizza, and some buffalo wings, ice cream and a bottle of cold tea for Rey. "How the hell are you carrying all that? Here-- let me help."

"It's because I'm a mother, it's one of the special powers you get when you get kids." They set the table up and ate, Rey telling the both of them stories of a time when her grandfather had been alive, of the time they had gone to Versailles when she was ten and it had been the only time she had ever gotten out of New York. Kylo made a mental note of all the places she talked about, all the places she read about, and wondered why she was still there.

She had an imaginative and curious mind that should be sated and celebrated. She should travel. He thought of what might happen the day he felt comfortable to go out in the day time without his mask. Where they might go and what they might do, she kept talking, and Kylo relished every minute of it. Every minute of her happiness as she bit in to a piece of buttercream cake. That happiness was because of him. Her happiness made me feel like he had done something good. When everything was silent for a minute, he said, "I ordered your presents."

"You didn't have to do that,"

"They'll be in tomorrow."

"Kylo..."

"I love you." That made her shut her mouth, blushing.

Quietly, she said, "I know. I know."

* * *

 

Rey wished that she could have held onto the day forever, but as most people know, happiness passes in time and you wake up back in the real world, with the cruel problems that faced you in every day life. The day after her birthday, Rey went back home, feeling a bit guilty that she hadn’t talked to Finn in a while. “Finn!” She knocked on his door, but there was no answer. “Finn! Are you in there?” It was ten thirty and he was always there. Always in his apartment. Rey was the only one with the other key. She searched her purse and fished it out.

  
“Finn?” There was a chance that she was just being paranoid. She opened the door, hoping that she was just being paranoid. The first thing she saw were signs of struggle, scratches on the wall. She felt very sick all the sudden. “Finn, please tell me you’re not dead.”

  
There was no answer and Rey looked everywhere, looked for blood, looked for a body. Nothing was there, no one was there. It wasn’t until she got to the small kitchen that she found something. A note scribbled in messy red pen.

  
‘I told you something bad would happen if you didn’t leave the city by the end of the month. Don’t worry, your friend will be safe as long as you comply with exactly what I say for you to do…’ Signed with an H. It was him. Of course it was him, why wouldn’t it be him? Anxiety rose in Rey’s chest in rivets and she stumbled, catching hold of the counter and laying her head down. ‘The first task you need to complete. Break Kylo Ren. His heart specifically.’

  
No.

  
Rey wouldn’t do that.

  
She couldn’t do that.

  
She kept reading, ‘Remember that we have your friend, and it would be a shame if one of his fingers were to arrive on your doorstep. (Especially if you went to the police).’

 

Rey couldn’t do it, despite not being able to say it, she loved him. She loved him and didn’t want to lose him, breaking up with him would destroy the both of them. Of course, Hux probably knew this.

  
Finn was counting on her, though. They were friends and that came just as importantly to her as Kylo did. Tears slipped down Rey’s cheeks and she shook. Save Finn. It’s what she had to do. Kylo wasn’t the one in danger of dying here.

  
Finn was.

* * *

 

  
The day had gone well and Kylo didn’t expect anything bad to happen, he cleaned up the mess Rey had made from her birthday party the day before and sat the piano, absent mindedly trilling at the keys.

* * *

 

  
He’d gotten her three first edition books, To Kill A Mockingbird, Wuthering Heights, and Anna Karenina. Rey cried more as she opened them, they must’ve cost a fortune.

  
She didn’t want to do this.

  
No.

  
There was no way that she was brave enough to face Kylo in person, so she grabbed her phone. She was about to do the thing she’d vowed to herself she would never do. “Don’t pick up, don’t pick up, please don’t pick up. Let it go to voicemail…”

  
“Hey, what’s up?” She mentally cursed herself.

  
“I’m a little drunk.” A code, maybe. Emphasis on the letters that may give him a hint. This wasn’t real. She didn’t want to break up with him. “And I need to say something… it’s a dangerous combo isn’t it. Being drunk and wanting to say something.” She pretended to slur, pausing to stop herself from crying before she continued. “So you might want to sit down… I thought that I could be happy. I wanted to be happy and give you a happy life.”

  
“Rey-”

  
“No, it’s better if you don’t talk Okay? Just… don’t. I’m afraid that we can’t be together longer, Kylo. Everything that’s happened… I won’t be the one for you and I can’t be.  Goodbye, Ren. Don’t come around.” She heard his breath caught and heard the door begin to open behind her. She hung up and began to sob.

  
“A very reassuring performance, Miss Kenobi. Can always trust an actress to break your heart, they are fickle creatures after all.” She turned viciously, her hands aiming for Hux’s neck. She felt a satisfying crack as his head hit the refrigerator.

  
“If I were you I would shut up,” She said. “If I were you, I wouldn’t show my face at all.”

  
“We have one more thing to discuss,”

  
“And what is that?”

  
“When you will sing for us?” He grinned as she let go of his throat. “After all, you don’t want to keep poor Finn waiting, now would you?”

  
“Of course,”

  
“And we have the perfect things for you to sing,”

  
“What?”

  
“Your now, ex-boyfriend’s music…” That’s when it clicked. Rey was sure that this was no longer about her. This was about whatever grudge Kylo and Hux still had going on, Rey was merely a conduit to cause Kylo pain. “Get ready, for the Phantom of The Opera.”

* * *

 

  
All the mirrors in the house were broken, and Kylo wasn’t done there, his hands shook, blood dripping onto the floor. He didn’t care. The sheet music on his piano was the next thing, his head began to pound as everything started to break down.

  
This was going to happen.

Of course, it was going to happen.

  
He never deserved her in the first place. Resigned, he sighed. Heading to the liquor cabinet.

  
There was nothing left to do and he felt so tired, so tired of trying, so tired of being put down, of being stuck in this hole, of being stuck in this world.

  
Absinthe.

  
He hadn’t ever attempted to drink it but he knew how strong it was, how it could kill if you drink enough. It was the way she said it that broke him worse.

Rey was the one who held power over him, the one who could break him with a word, and with an expression. He tried to think what he did wrong, but instead felt the desire to drink, and keep drinking.

As long as he was on this Earth he would always be the monster, looking up. Longing for the light but never being able to reach it. He hated it. He hated her, he hated the people that made him believe he was something else and that happiness was achievable.

He tipped the bottle back, and began to drink. 

* * *

 

"I will sing," Rey said. "On your stage, but it is for Finn and for Kylo. I will never sing for you."

"I'll be getting the money anyways."

* * *

 

His limbs stopped working and he heaved all over the floor. It was starting. Kylo couldn't wait for it to be done.

 


	18. chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "look at your face in the mirror... I am there inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly guys, I kind of don't want to write this fic any more. That's why it took longer than the usual update, but here you go. Love you guys.

Rey couldn't think of what state she had left Kylo in, she couldn't care, nor could she think of the fact that she had forty three missed calls from Miss Organa. In fact, Rey was numbed by the cold and lack of sleep that the rehearsals for the production of Phantom of The Opera had provided her. Rey never asked where Hux had gotten the music--besides Think of Me none of them had ever been played in public. "I have my methods," was all he said to her. She sighed, not wanting to inquire any further into the matter, and went home. She felt the same numb feeling she had let wash over her when her grandfather died wash over her again. The desire to make music washed away in the gravity of her desicions and worrying for both Finn and Kylo. She couldn't drink, she couldn't do drugs, so she sat there on her couch, no way to take out her anger. There was no crying. No destroying things. Just silence.

* * *

 

 Kylo woke up in his own pool of vomit, and he groaned, realizing he was still very much on this Earth. His head burned with a passion and it took a moment for him to gain control of his limbs. 

He smelled awful. 

At the time he didn't care. "Really?" A voice said behind him. "You do this after every thing you worked for?" He turned to see Rey, but it wasn't really her.

"You have no right to judge me, not after what you just-"

"Oh... Ben!" She taunted, "I'm part of your imagination. I'm not really here. Do you know what that means?"

"That I'm insane?"

"Yeah, for one but not the point. It means I'm you. Your conscience. Therefore me judging you is just you judging yourself. And rightfully so. Look at you, so pathetic. If you want Rey, you have to get up off your pitiful ass and fight for her! So stand!" With reluctance he did. "Good. You have some work to do,"

* * *

Rey could feel herself hollowing out. She no longer really desired to sing and the gruelling exercises with Phasma and Hux were no help. Especially after they tried finishing the Phantom by making him look like a villain. "The Phantom isn't a villain," she whispered. 

"Hush, you stupid creature!"

"If you want money, listen asshole. The villain angle for mentally ill characters has been played a lot. It won't sell. Make him an antagonist, sure. But he's a victim of circumstance." She felt ill all of the sudden and stumbled. 

Meal.

Rey forgot her meal. What was it-- two days ago?

Maybe three. Jessika came up from behind and grabbed her by the waist. "Forgive her crankiness she hasn't eaten yet. Will you excuse us?"

"Seriously?"

"She faints when she doesn't eat. Come on."

"Five minutes." Hux shouted.

Once Rey and Jessika were off stage, Jessika said, "You shouldn't do that."

"What is it you're referring to? Giving lip to Hux or not eating. Because either way I don't really care. "

"Rey, you could hurt yourself doing both." Jessika helped Rey sit down in her dressing room and bought an orange out of her bag. "Tell me what's wrong,"

"I can't,"

"I already know about you and Kylo."

"What?!"

* * *

 

Kylo picked up most of the mess he had made, ignored his mother's texts and calls, ignored Luke's incessant banging and went to sleep in a normal bed, trying to process everything that had happened in the past few days, hours, he wasn't sure how long he had been asleep on the floor, but his muscles still ached. He couldn't help but revert back to his old lifestyle, of trying not to care, to wash out everyone else and not write his music.

Although it never stayed that way.

* * *

 

"You know about Kylo,"

"Yes,"

"So-?"

"Is this about Hux making you two break up?"

"Do you know why?"

"I don't,"

"Hux used Finn as leverage, and I don't know if Finn is alive or dead all I know is that I had to make the decision to break up with Kylo because he'd still be alive afterwards," Jessika raised an eyebrow and as Rey stuffed a piece of orange afterwards. "Are you so sure about this Rey? Because why do you think Hux stole his music? Why do you think that we're putting on this elaborate 18th century style musical when we could literally have you perform a one act thing here? Because Hux has an irrational vendetta against Kylo for trying to leave. He wants to own people after all. So he wants to kill Kylo. But not only that. He wants to humiliate him. Crush him." Rey's stomach sank, all of this was too true. "You're face is white,"

"I have to save the both of them."

* * *

 

Rey wanted to do something, but it was hard to care when everything had been sucked out of her. Her phone rang for the fifth time in a row and she put it on silent, not wanting to think, not wanting to do anything.

She knew that Leia was probably calling pissed beyond belief about what Rey had done to her son, and she had every right to, but Rey also had the right to avoid the inevitable confrontation that would come when the two women were in the same room. Not because she would most likely end up on a trip to a hospital, but because she couldn't be bothered to get up. She couldn't muster the courage to get up again after that, all the bones in her body aching, silently she began to cry. Wishing that she could be strong, like she had been for Kylo before the break up. “I'm a piece of shit,” she whispered to herself.

“Not you too,” it was him. At the foot of her bed.

“Kylo?”

“You're imagining me right now,” He said. “Sleep deprivation. Listen, you did what you had to do. Your friend matters more than me.”

“But--”

“Rey, don't argue. For one night, sleep on a bit of good conscience,”

 

* * *

 

Kylo woke up to hear someone crying in the next room, and he knew immediately that it was his mother. Instantly he felt the shame he had felt when he was nineteen, the shame he felt for trying to leave her. His blankets were tucked in tight, so tight that he almost couldn't move. It was Luke who came through the door with food in hand. He looked tired.

"You-"

"Not now Ben, for once can we just... Put things behind us,"

"Give me the food and go away,"

"Rey has signed a deal with the First Order." That was too much to spring on him at this time of day. He nearly banged his head on the headframe.

"WHAT-?!"

"Why do you think your mother has been trying to reach you?"

There was a very rapid sinking feeling in his stomach. "How could she- after everything?"

"We don't know much, but she won't answer her phone. Don't jump to conclusions." He said wearily. "There's a chance she might be being blackmailed, or threatened."

* * *

 

Rey decided that after everything, she was going to go back to the orphanage where she had met the small red headed girl. Maybe to forget what had been happening for the past few days. Her room was at the very end of the orphanage, and she had somehow managed to secure a room alone. After some paperwork had allowed her an hour worth of visiting time, and with that she was content, she only had an hour left before she had to get back to rehearsals. Bailey had been playing the piano when Rey had come to her room, smiling when she saw her. 

"Miss Kenobi!" She cried, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you were doing. How are you?"

"Better now that you're here," the little girl admitted. "I have dreams sometimes, bad dreams about a man with red hair in my closet." She said this almost as if it was normal. "So they moved me here. But the dreams haven't gotten any better," she said. "But now that you're here, everything's better." The girl seemed much more chatty now that Rey and her were alone, and that was all she needed. The constant line of talking allowed her to keep calm and not think of other things. Still she wondered about what Bailey had said about the red haired man. Hux instantly came to mind, and then a more horrifying, yet not surprising thought.

Maybe this was his daughter-- illegitimate most likely-- but daughter all the same. Once her time was up, she was stopped on her way out of the house, by none other than Hux himself. "Come with me, Miss Kenobi. We're going to be late."

* * *

 

Kylo didn't know how to feel. 

He never did. But now more than ever. 

Anger and disappointment fluctuated in waves, twisting and churning through his thoughts. 

_There is every chance that Rey could be being blackmailed. We just have to reach her. Before it's too late._

_It had to be soon._

_When he got the strength._


	19. overture

A rough dramatic flare, touch of red, a flash of danger. Skirts and dresses with ridiculous design and dancing that was a lamentable mess. This was how it was to go. Now the song that Kylo had been doomed to write. The Point of No Return haunted him like a ghost, the notion of going on stage, even if it was to save Rey from the Order, was a a daunting one. He had found that the hot lights and unforgiving audience were no longer for him and he no longer had much if a taste in the limelight. Yet he still went on. 

"...Dreams of love..." He thought. Dreams of love. He had once had a dream of Rey, her hair down, and bathed in moonlight. He dreamed of them together, bodies intwining defenseless and silent. "And now I am here with you... This isn't going to work." He said to himself. "She won't be able to play it right."

There was one thing he needed to do to get this right. See her again. He must see her once more, but how?


End file.
